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My sister comes back from Africa a few days ago. Found herself a bf and is planning on getting married in the near future. She's been to Africa on a missions trip every summer for the last 3 summers. She's known this guy for a while, I was just shocked. Good for her. Plans on moving there and getting a job at the preschool center they've been building. My mother and her are now bff's and talking about everything. I've always had anxiety when it came to my sister's wedding, my parents... .her asking my kids to be the ring bearer... .its a lot of decisions. Upside, she is having her wedding in Africa, so I can't go and no encounter with the family. Downside, she is so selfish and she won't consider having an African wedding in America... .where most of their family/friends live. She told me just to drop 15 grand and come over... .yeah. 15 hour flight with an opinionated toddler... .anyway, I'm rambling. I am just struggling, with my mom getting what she wants. When we we codependent and I did everything she wanted, she'd reward me with trips, food, family fun, love... .but since we are apart and no longer talking, she makes it a point to go on trips that I would love to go on, but can't, cause I'm being responsible. I am just feeling very alone and like all this work I put into that family for the first 20 years of my life was for nothing. I gave and gave and got nothing. I am wise with my money and I have my BPD throwing it in my face. I am trying to eat responsibly and I have my BPD eating whatever she wants and buying whatever she wants. I work hard to stay healthy and sane and she gets my sister. I raised my sister, my mother ignored her and she gets to be there. tell me how that's fair?

HEY BABYBAT:   

Sorry about the situation with your sister's wedding. I can see how you are frustrated with it.  I see that you are a very responsible person, and it is good that you recognize that you can't afford to to go to Africa for you sister's wedding.

What would you do if your mom surprised you and offered to pay for the expenses for you to attend the wedding?  Would you go?

If your sister were willing, and her fiance would come to the US, what might a 2nd ceremony/celebration look like?  Who would attend?  (from the logic that some people have a legal/official ceremony and then a 2nd celebration that might either appear as if it is official or just be a reception)

The article below on Radical Acceptance might be helpful for you right now.  I've, also, attached a link to a group of interesting group of mental exercises that can be helpful.  Why don't you give one of the exercises a try and come back here and let us know your experience.  Let us know which exercise you tried and if you were able to "Improve the Moment"?   |iiii



RADICAL ACCEPTANCE:  https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=90041.0;all



EXERCISE - IMPROVE THE MOMENT WORKSHEET   www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/improve_the_moment_worksheet.html

Thank you! I look forward to trying that out.

P.s. NaughtyNibbler, I appreciated your Tim Gunn quote from previously :)

I've used Tim Gunn's "make it work" logic many times, even if it took duct tape, lol.  He has a big personality.

Keep in touch and let up know how things are going |iiii

Sorry about the situation!