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Title: My docktor told me. Post by: luckyclover on July 01, 2016, 06:25:57 PM Hello once again people. Read this with love not hate :) Now i have been studying a lot what BPD is and few months ago I had no clue about it not even it existed. I feel that BPD people should just burn in hell if i read about it here on this page but i do not want to. I will always love my ex but also at the same time learn to live with that.
I'm sure my ex have BPD deffinatly with cut off so she will never contact me again i'm 99,99 % sure. Should i just live with that? If someone here have heard from there BPD ex with cut off syndrome you have to comment on this and tell me what you did. You all know what i really want to do. Write a letter. But i will not do that or not to send her. Beacuse my docktor (yes it was so bad i looked for help) said she will one day try to contact and then i should be ready for what i want to say. So i want to have the answear ready in some letter the letter is not about how much i love her or miss her. It is about her (i know it is suicide) I want to try to tell her that i know what is wrong with her and say this words red flag, painted black and so on. Describe every little detail how she behaved against me. Everything i have read and learn online. really try to show her that something is wrong with her not me. But i know what she will say she only say i'm crazy and should die. If she say anything. She blocked my everywere but now few days ago i saw i'm not blocked any more on whatsapp... .why? Yeah and the question do you have any plan? If your ex contact you back after months, what you would do? Title: Re: My docktor told me. Post by: fromheeltoheal on July 01, 2016, 06:42:31 PM Yeah and the question do you have any plan? If your ex contact you back after months, what you would do? Hi LC- Pretty much everyone here has experienced what you're going through and have been tempted to write that letter or similar. And it's helpful to ask yourself what's the goal? I don't know your whole story but I do know you ended up on the detaching board of a support site for folks in relationships with borderlines, so that tells me a lot. And it's great to write the letter, something about writing our thoughts and feelings down that helps them make sense, and takes some of the energy out of them by putting them on paper, so by all means do that, and if your goal is to emotionally detach from this woman, remove her from your life for good, would sending it help that or hurt it? We usually get to give ourselves closure once these relationships are done, more powerful that way really, when we're not reliant on something external, we get to create the beliefs and meanings necessary to take value from the relationship, learn from the experience, and let it go with grace. Not easy sometimes, and maybe it won't happen overnight, but what if you were headed in that direction? How good would it feel to be headed in that direction? What can you do to take a step in that direction right now? And to answer your question, which goes back to the goal, if you focus on creating an awesome life, and have decided she couldn't be a part of it, and you worked on your own detachment and serenity, if she contacts you at some point down the road, would it matter? You might be in a place by then that you could say, if you even return the call or whatever, that you no longer want her in your life, please do not contact me again, and all of it with complete emotional calm, because you've moved on. Attractive yes? So what do you need to do to get there? Title: Re: My docktor told me. Post by: heartandwhole on July 03, 2016, 08:53:56 AM Yeah and the question do you have any plan? If your ex contact you back after months, what you would do? I had a plan and I can tell what I did: I asked pwBPD for a period of NC, so that I could work on my issues and recover from the breakup. Then I :
He contacted me (indirectly) a couple of times just when I was starting to feel better. I was still processing a lot, and I didn't know how to respond—so, I didn't. Then, about 4 years after our breakup (recently), I got a direct communication from him. By that time he had married and I had completely detached. I answered him honestly and with love in my heart, and that was the end of that. I feel great and truly wish him well. So, that's what worked for me, luckyclover. What do you think will work for you? heartandwhole |