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3 steps forward, 2 steps back.

5  hours after being proud of myself, I feel like I'm right back where I started. All I want to do is text him, so I'm writing you all.

This is too sad for me. I so miss him. I can't believe our marriage is over.

I know... .it stinks. It really does. Just try not to... It only makes it worse. 

Yeah.  Rough day for me too. Had my first divorce meeting with stbx yesterday.  I watched her walk right out of the courthouse and into my replacement's arms.  I'm hurting bad today.  I love her so much and I miss her beautiful face.  I wanted to reach out and take her hand when we were sitting in court.  So terrible and sad.

Yes, detachment is not linear, and 3 forward and 2 back is still one forward yes?  Emotions come and go, painful sometimes, although the best way through is all the way through, feel everything all the way, just don't do anything that you'll regret.  And a good question is what's the goal?  If we get clear on the goal, it can help us find our way when we feel lost.  So what is the goal AP?

Hang in there atomic popsicles

None of this is easy, simple yes, easy, no.

Distract your thoughts and emotions?

Do anything positive for yourself no matter how meaninglessness it seems?

How are you feeling today, atomic popsicles? 

Hey Heartandwhole,

Thanks for asking. I don't know how I am feeling. I went to dinner with a friend whose husband is dying and he talked a lot about dating. I'm back to worrying about that. I made the mistake of telling a girl friend I was worried about it and got the "get out if this one first" speech. It's amazing to me that anyone could possibly think I'm looking for a relationship; I wish someone understood that fears of all KINDS of things are normal in a break up. Pretty much limits what I can share with friends, which makes me feel a little isolated.

I heard from the stbx last night. I love you followed by mildly delusional stuff. The metal siding on his mom's house is stopping the headaches and mind control from RF... .I did reply. So starting over with NC.

Yes, I experienced many fears as well. The whole recovery process was not what I expected, to be honest. But one foot in front of the other, getting back up when I fell down, trusting that I was doing my best... .those things helped.

Change has its own timetable, I've found. Sometimes it's inches at a time, and sometimes a lucky kilometer or two.  Hang in there.

heartandwhole

I now find appreciation in the days I feel further detached but on days where everything seems to trigger, it helps to remember you can't control your thoughts, only on whether you act on them and like you said, keep plodding ahead, inches at a time, but proud that I'm still going forward.

It sure is a rollercoaster Atomic! I wish it was a rollercoaster we had some degree of control over, however unless you can master mindfulness, you just have to accept that right now you have no say over when and where you feel good, and when you don't.

Please don't beat yourself up over breaking NC, it's only a tool in our arsenal ( albeit a very effective one). I found the same issue talking about this with friends, make sure if a silly thought pops into your head, you post here, we all know EXACTLY what you are going through!

Oh atomic, I so know what you mean! And I'm back to day one myself... .shall we start over together?

I know that this is trite and cliche, but it is also true. Anything worth doing is not easy to do.

The roller coaster ride is not an easy one, that's for sure. But, as long as you are still going forward, you're doing well.

 

OK, KC... .let's be start over buddies!

Hooray! Okay, let's do it!   

Is today day 0 or day 1?

Maybe day 0 until we get through 24 total hours... .?

Okay, that makes good sense-- and also a good reason not to check now :) :)!

We can do this. Pm me if you get the urge for contact.