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Title: I'm the one being unfair ? Post by: Raspberry on July 02, 2016, 05:19:54 PM Today I've been subject to non stop messages asking why I'm not replying and I've cut him out, claiming not to know that hes done anything wrong ? I dont believe anyone could be that naive. I have done it to protect myself because as much as I wish it wasn't the way, our friendship wasn't healthy when I was painted white then black so often (during these times he'd distance himself whilst still talking to other girls). This morning he said he was deleting my number but he wished me nothing but happiness only for 5 more messages to arrive this evening saying how unfair I am being
I am not a bad person, I gave him chance after chace and kept being taken in by his words that I was "special to him" and he "didnt want to lose me" only for his actions to show the opposite. I refuse to be drawn into it all over again. This is my way of coping and preserving my sense of pride after being made to feel crap for weeks. I need to give myself this to heal Title: Re: I'm the one being unfair ? Post by: fromheeltoheal on July 02, 2016, 05:28:02 PM Today I've been subject to non stop messages asking why I'm not replying and I've cut him out, claiming not to know that hes done anything wrong ? I dont believe anyone could be that naive. If he exhibits traits of the disorder it's not naivety Raspberry, it's cognitive distortion and/or compartmentalization, psychological coping tools someone with a mental illness uses to deal with emotions they can't soothe otherwise; if he was to honestly connect with the fact that you left because of his behaviors he'd melt into a puddle of debilitating shame, and he ain't goin' there. Excerpt This is my way of coping and preserving my sense of pride after being made to feel crap for weeks. I need to give myself this to heal Yes you do, and good plan, part of taking your power back, and good for you! Title: Re: I'm the one being unfair ? Post by: Raspberry on July 02, 2016, 05:33:19 PM Today I've been subject to non stop messages asking why I'm not replying and I've cut him out, claiming not to know that hes done anything wrong ? I dont believe anyone could be that naive. If he exhibits traits of the disorder it's not naivety Raspberry, it's cognitive distortion and/or compartmentalization, psychological coping tools someone with a mental illness uses to deal with emotions they can't soothe otherwise; if he was to honestly connect with the fact that you left because of his behaviors he'd melt into a puddle of debilitating shame, and he ain't goin' there. Cognitive dissonance, thank you! It infuritiates me but that makes sense! Meanwhile he gets to play the victim but I'll get on with my life Title: Re: I'm the one being unfair ? Post by: heartandwhole on July 03, 2016, 09:11:01 AM Hi Raspberry,
I really understand why you feel you want to stop contact. I needed it for my healing, too, and it really helped. Well done for putting yourself first. |iiii Have you have told him that you are taking a "time out" and won't be contacting him or answering his attempts to contact you? I'm mentioning it because besides it being empowering to say, "This is what I need to do for ME, and this what I WILL do for me," having everything out on the table might make you feel better and stop his trying to pretend he doesn't know what's going on, especially if it's in written form. (No guarantee, of course, esp., if you've already done this.) heartandwhole |