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It's always on me.  I feel pain all the time, pain and sorrow.  When will cloak of pain be removed?  When will I not feel this constant sorrow? I've cried a lot over the past two days.  Much of it is due to finding out my stbx wife has a replacement and also due to filing the final paperwork to finalize the divorce.  I can't let her go, she's always on my mind.  Does this ever end?

It gets a bit easier as time goes by... .I can't say when it ends. Maybe one day when we are out long enough or with someone who treats us better we will look back and wonder what the heck we were thinking. I am not there yet... .there was some rule about how long you are in a relationship as to how long it takes to get comfortable being out... .the formula is to divide the time you were together in half.  I am not sure about that... .it's a long time for me. I am comfortable not being with him and being divorced from him. But I am still bothered by what he did  to me and that  I am alone and he is not.  I don't want to be with him, but I am angry he wasted ten years of my life, putting me through hell just to find out I was being used and he took off with someone else. He told me he had a "plan for me"... .I guess this was it! Nice guy... .

Hello Wise

Things do get better, it just takes time and education and you can be well and get past this. I remember thinking I couldn't live without my ex but I now realize I actually can live without her, living with her was pure hell.

I was told to remove the word "can't" from my vocabulary because it limits us and it's negitive and untrue.

I have confidence in your recovery and one day you will too. Borrow our faith and trust us who have survived and are thriving in our new lives.

PwBPD never change, we can

It does, Wize, even though I know it doesn't feel that way now.    After my breakup, I was depressed and really had very little interest in life. I felt like I would never feel joy or love again, ever. And somehow I didn't care. I was probably too afraid to care, in case it all crashed down around me again.

But the grief and sadness really does lift. With time, with support, with patience. In my experience, first there were little oases of peace, maybe laughter. Then more sustained feelings of something dropping away; feeling lighter, like the ordeal was fading slowly—becoming a memory and not my present circumstance.

Divorce is a major loss, Wize. Let yourself grieve. It takes as long as it takes, but you are not alone. I know it hurts terribly. Do you have a therapist who is helping you through this?

Keep sharing, we're here for you.

heartandwhole

Oh, Wize, I'm so sorry. I wonder that too. We just have to believe it will get better and make it minute by minute if we have to.

The pain remains for me, although it has lessened little by little as the whole relationship inevitably fades into the background of the past.  I do sometimes wonder if it will ever completely go away.  The daily tears in the eyes on numerous occasions will certainly stop at some point.  The pang of hurt, the guilt of failure, the anger of betrayal ... .they will certainly stop their daily appearance at some point too.  Will I ever find a place of true indifference?  I do certainly hope so.  I see how far I have come and now at 11 months post trash bin I am considerably "better" than I was last year.  So yes, I do believe it will finally fade into the background and while it might still sting at times, there will eventually no longer be the daily reminders.