BPDFamily.com

Hi. I have joined this forum to discuss about an unusual behavior of my sister. She has been diagnosed with BPD.

My sister is a trans and she is suffering from BPD. She has a self damaging behavior. She says she need a transformation. She is adamant in undergoing an FTM top surgery in Mississauga. We don't know what to do. She says if we are not letting her to undergo this procedure, she will kill herself. We are really worried. What are we supposed to do? She is not ready to attend any counselling sessions also.

Hi Clubly

Your sister is dealing with a lot. You say she has been diagnosed with BPD, when did that happen and has she ever gotten any targeted treatment for it?

Your sister is also transsexual and wants to undergo FTM top surgery. How old is your sister now?

You say she isn't ready to attend any counseling sessions, why do you think she isn't ready? Is she perhaps unwilling to attend counseling?

BPD is quite a challenging disorder, but there are things we can learn that can help us better deal with our BPD family-members. I encourage you to keep posting and check out the resources on this site.

Take care and welcome to bpdfamily

I think the one common thing ALL people need is support.  Support from family and friends is paramount, particularly when going thru life changes. 

Hope you and your family can show your sister the support she needs and she will see this and be more receptive to therapy. This would allow her to be in a better place emotionally and will ultimately help her in the long run.  Let your sister know you are there for her and will help in any possible way.

In the meantime, educate yourself with this site; there are lots of lessons to be learned and book recommendations available.  You can learn how to better communicate with the BPD and communication will slowly begin to improve.

Good luck, your sister is lucky to have you!

Hello Clubly !

What a challenging situation you are in. I hope this site will make you see a little more clear. For me it has been a big help already.
In my country you cannot undergo surgery to change your gender without going through psychological counseling. Is that also the case where you are living  ?
Are you ok with your sister becoming  a man ? For me that would not be a big deal I think, but I can imagine this can be a huge issue for some people. Try to keep the transgender issues separated from the BPD ! Or do you think she wants to change gender because of being BPD ?

HEY CLUBLY:  

How was your sister diagnosed with BPD, perhaps after a self harming event?  Is it possible that she thinks that undergoing FTM surgery, will resolve her BPD symptoms?

This has to be very confusing for you and your family.  Is it possible for you (and other family members) to go to some family counseling to discuss the situation?  By your reference to Mississauga, I think you live somewhere in Canada?  

I'm thinking that a reputable doctor/clinic would require counseling and some sort of transitional living process before they do FTM surgery.  :)o you know if your sister has had counseling for this?  

I used to work for a very large aerospace corporation, that had a huge focus on diversity.  One day my work group was called into a conference room, where we attended a teleconference with a Powerpoint presentation.  A new senior manager (my immediate boss's boss) had recently transferred to our work team (we were just getting to know her).  We were told that this Sr. Mgr. was in the process of transitioning from a female to a male.  We were given a date and told that we were to start referring to this manager by a different name and pronoun on that date.  We were, also, told that on that date, the manager would start to use the men's restroom.

Hormone therapy is part of the transition.  Interestingly, the manager that we got (after the transition), was not the manager that this person's prior work group would describe.  They had a warm, fussy feel good manager, and we got a rather cold "good old-boy society" manager who appeared to, also, lack boundaries with young females.  

I offer my story as an example of how the hormone therapy can come into play as well.  Trying to understand a BPD family member is confusing.  Trying to understand the dynamics and personality changes and/or behavioral changes associated with a person changing genders is another category of confusing.  I can't imagine how hard it is to have the combined situations.

Even if your sister gets counseling, I'm thinking it might be essential for you and other family members to get some coaching/therapy from a therapist that has experience with at least one of the situations, BPD or gender change.  It might be hard to find a therapist that has experience with both.