BPDFamily.com

My ex has traces of BPD/NPD and I don't know what to make of her.  When I say show traces, I mean she's undiagnosed but fits the criteria for a PD, especially BPD. One moment I'm looking for ways to somehow keep her in my life (thought she comes and goes), the next minute I wish this nightmare had "never happened."

I read of people getting stuck being caretakers, or supply to the narcissist.  Certainly, I never planned on become that for anyone. But I've started to feel that if I keep answering the phone when she finally decides to acknowledge my existence, that's exactly what i have or will become.  I'm not afraid of caring for anyone.  In fact, its okay with me.  I'm good when I'm volunteer doing for others.  NOT happy with being tricked into it.

I don't trust her.  I don't believe her.  I'm not sure how I feel about her; to be honest. I just know that my feelings are starting to fluctuate on a daily basis, like  the emotional irregularities of a pwBPD.

I won't hear from her for a couple of weeks, and then puff... .there she is calling me.  I pick up and she talks to me like nothing bad ever happened between the two of us.

I try to keep her in my life, because I know an adult would not behave in that manner unless something was seriously wrong with him or her.  It make me feel a certain degree of sympathy for her.  But with all of the unspeakable behavior she has exhibited, like trying to convince you that you did not see what you saw.  OR not denying an accusation or occurrence but trying to make you feel guilty for not revealing your source.  Like you're the bad person for not telling her who told you or how you found our, but not taking responsibility for what she has done.  OR trying her damnest to destroy my relationship with people.  AND I must say, she was successful at doing that, but not with people that are important to me.

I know that its part of her disorder... .its not personal... .etc, but "it hurt like sh*t."

Anyone here wants to help me with this? or is going through the same.
I'M HERE BECAUSE "I KNOW NOT EVERYONE IS THE SAME" BUT "BECAUSE I KNOW THERE ARE PPL HERE WITH THE SAME AS ME."

Back2Me16 I can relate to this -

"I don't trust her.  I don't believe her.  I'm not sure how I feel about her; to be honest. I just know that my feelings are starting to fluctuate on a daily basis, like  the emotional irregularities of a pwBPD."

I'm over four years down the road.  The highs and the lows are exhausting.  The Silent Treatments they dish out, tear us down.

We think they are pining for us, or punishing us, while we are suffering with feeling abandoned.  But in my case and I suspect many cases, they are not thinking twice about us, when ignoring us.  We deserve what we get, in their mind. 

When they do start thinking about us again, that's when they miss something we were giving them, I don't actually think they ever miss us, who we are, just whatever good feeling it is that we provide them.  That's my observations only.

I'm trying to respect myself enough and keep moving forward without him.  It's not easy because my heart is in love with the potential and dreams I had for us.  My head knows this will never happen, not the way I dream off or need.

How long were you together?

Yes, there are people like you. Many of us here are going or have gone through the same types of things.

Many of us have found that detaching from our pwBPD is liberating. Not allowing the pwBPD to become our problem or have control over our lives allows us freedom from their pain.

Your fluctuation in feelings is normal. In fact, in my humble opinion, the fluctuation that you are experiencing is probably the natural effect of you gradually becoming detached as things progress.

I like everything you said

Hi Back2Me16,


You might consider, instead of looking for ways to keep her in you life, decide once and for all, what kind of relationship you would need in order to justify her being in your life.  If she cannot (or will not) give you what you need for her to be someone important in your life, then she shouldn't be in your life.



You don't trust her.  You don't believe her.  That's clearly how you feel about her.  Perhaps you also feel other conflicting feelings towards her but isn't it enough that you don't trust or believe her?  Is that someone you can be friends with, let alone allow yourself to be vulnerable with?


The fluctuations are a sufficient red flag that you are not in a good place, no?  Is that not
reason enough to get yourself out of this situation?


That is what they call a "fair weather friend."


So are you trying to enrich your life by choosing careful who to allow in your life, or fix people who have something seriously wrong with them?


You don't take natural disasters personally, but you do your best to protect yourself against them.  Just because you know her destructive behavior is part of her disorder, does not mean you should not protect yourself from being hurt by them.

Best wishes,

Schwing