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Ok, so it sounds like we will be receiving our CE report this Thursday.

On Friday we have a hearing to determine where SD11 will go to middle school. Earlier this year DH and I moved into her school district and want her to continue on to the same middle school. Late last year uBPDbm moved (technically got evicted) out of the school district and is insisting on the school in her current district.

We own, uBPDbm rents (and shares the rent with a male roommate). The schools are pretty much equally rated and uBPDbm is going to push this medical sciences program at "her" school as justification for the change. Our main justification for keeping things the same is the stability for SD11.

Our L asked us... .when the CE report comes out, if it favors our side (that SD11 should go to the same middle school), would we want the CE to testify?

What do you guys think? It's going to cost a lot more money (I guess that's the drawback).

DH thinks we have a good case without the testimony. With the testimony, it would be a slam dunk, though.

On the one hand, courts are often unwilling to depart from giving default preference to Mother.  On the other hand, the facts reveal you and DH are more stable and are in the current school district.  My lawyer said courts hate to make excessive changes that might 'upset' the child unless it is necessary.  (My refrain back to him was "what if not making a change upsets the child?"

So much depends on the CE report and how strongly it is in your favor.  If it's wishy washy then you might get wishy washy testimony.  My CE was present to deliver the final CE report to the court but my then-stbEx finally decided to settle to avoid the trial and so the report was sealed, never to see the light of day.  A couple years later the court refused to open it when I was seeking custody, saying by then it was 'stale' or out of date.

If it doesn't favor you or the court rules against you for some weird reason, you always have the option to file for reconsideration, an objection or appeal, whichever applies.

This depends on if she is likely to bring a lawyer to court. If I remember correctly, she is representing herself. This means she won't know to grill the CE about how long it took and to what extend her own personal problems interfered with her ability to effectively do her job. So having the CE there would be the final nail in this thing.

However, my understanding is that this court date is only to decide where SD goes to school, correct? If that is the case then the judge will most likely give you what you want as long as the CE's report is leaning your way. What would your L think of saving the CE's testimony for the actual custody court date? It's been my experience that a judge often won't hear anything other than what is on the docket to be decided and you really don't want to have to spend that money twice.

My lawyer said certain reports are considered confidential and not a part of the public record.  Some years ago in my area a father got a good report, copied it and put the copies under his neighbor's windshields.  Apparently his ex was not seen positively at all.  Yes, I'm figuring court came down hard on him.  In any case, going forward lawyers here are warned not to let reports get out of their offices.

So while your courts may not be that burned from the past, do be careful how you handle your reports.  So no posting files on Twitter or Facebook.

From what I understand (I was half asleep when DH showed me the email from the L last night)... .

We don't know what time we will get the report. There might not be enough time left in the business day to get it entered into evidence. (I believe in our original order for the CE it did say something about confidentiality... .the report is supposed to be sent to our L and uBPDbm directly and the CE only sends a letter to the court stating that the report has been submitted. The court doesn't really see the report, we're supposed to have the CE testify to its contents).

L is expecting that uBPDbm is going to basically flip her top (assuming the report is in our favor) and go into denial/rejection mode about the report.

I guess the L's plan is to use the report to try to get an agreed order. He will tell uBPDbm that the CE plans to testify to support the report. If uBPDbm still doesn't listen to reason (and an expert's opinion) then he will threaten to have uBPDbm pay the costs of the hearing.

This sounds like a logical move, provided she doesn't know that she can object to having the report entered as evidence due to not having enough time to review it's contents. (Though that doesn't apply if this is an emergency hearing.) Typically, everything you intend to use as evidence in court must be seen by the opposing party a certain amount of time in advance of the trial or the opposing party can object. So he must be banking on her not knowing that.

And even if he's wrong about that if the CE is there she can still testify without the report being entered. BPDm would be stupid to let that happen. That's the best leverage you'll have; that she's too scared to even be triggered and her flight response kicks in and she gives in. She won't be afraid of being ordered to pay for court unless she's already been made to pay for it in the past. The BPDm you deal with reminds me the most of the one I deal with and in my case I know she'd think she could cry about having no money and the judge wouldn't be willing to hit her for the full amount, or she'd just ignore the debt knowing full well it's nearly impossible to collect.

Yep, all of this exactly. She's pro se and wouldn't know that she can object. She probably won't rollover at the threat of having to pay court costs because this has never been ordered before and she doesn't think she will have to ever pay. She just keeps causing drama and racking up our legal fees and thinks there will be no consequences.

SD11 mentioned the hearing to us today (uBPDbm told her about it, of course). She thought it was about schedule and we explained that no, it was only about what middle school she will be attending. SD11 said "I asked my mom if she was forcing me to go to [middle school in mom's district]. She said she just wants me to be happy but then she keeps saying she wants me to go there." We said well, mom has these reasons and we have other reasons and we just need help from the judge deciding between the two.

I guess the CE stayed up until 3am last night but didn't finish the report. She is saying she still needs the weekend to finish it.

The CE showed up to testify on our hearing for middle school this morning but the judge didn't want her to testify. Apparently in another of the judge's cases, the CE testified and something happened where it rendered the report invalid so the judge didn't want that to happen.

Despite not having the CEs testimony, we still were granted temporary residential address for school (until we move and/or middle school ends) and SD11 will get to continue on to her school without interruption. So that's good.

uBPDbm mentioned a specific program as her reasoning for changing schools. She said "Oh, I only wish DH would work with me. We should visit both schools and let SD11 decide". The judge didn't have any of that. She said there is no way she is letting a middle schooler steer the ship. She also didn't think it was a good idea to change SDs school just for one class.

DH was kind of put off, the judge admonished him and uBPDbm "You guys are just fighting, you aren't keeping SD's best interest in mind, this is all about control for you". DH was like what the bananas? Because all of the judge's reasons for her decision were the same ones he gave in the first place (middle school is a tricky time, she will be able to stay with her friends, etc). L told him later that the judge had to address them both so she didn't seem biased.

Our L has another lawyer who helps him in his practice and is kind of new to us, we haven't met her yet (apparently the new L and the judge's kids go to school together so they know each other, lol). After witnessing uBPDbm in court, the new L said to DH "She has a personality disorder". Yeah, tell us something we don't know.

This is good.  Sometimes it is hard to get a temporary or interim order.  That DH now has that means (1) the court is leaning that direction, (2) it puts into place an interim status that changes the past and (3) also makes it harder to undo.  In short, he's won that going forward barring some unexpected disaster.


Yes, at least when on the record the judges can't give any indication of partiality or favoritism or they could risk objections or appeals, so generally both parents get lectured or faulted to some extent.  But... .despite the lecture DH walked out with what he needed.

Hi Thunderstruck,

I've been following your story as a lurker  *)



Where is the eye rolling emoticon when you need it!


This is great news!


My SO won most of the important stuff Medical, Dental, and Education decision making for their daughters at their divorce hearing.   His uBPDxw won Psych (talk about the fox in charge of the hen house!), Vision, and gynecological decision making. 

During the kids snooping campaign they found a Playboy Magazine (I got their dad as a joke, yes I am a bad influence!  ) in his file cabinet, in his closet, in his bedroom.  Those girls had to look hard to find it   

So my SO got a 15 minute lecture about how horrible it was that he had a Playboy Magazine and didn't he know that most of it was airbrushed and not real.  That was what my SO had to listen to so things would not appear biased.

But like ForeverDad said my SO walked out of court with what he needed too.

Well now that the immediate problem (SD school situation) you (and us along with you) continue to wait for the CE Report after all this time it better be Pulitzer Prize winning reading!

Panda39

I would have lost my Cheerios when the CE begged off yet again.
I'm happy you got the desired outcome for the school choice.

But the CE? "What the bananas" indeed!

This CE report better be of War and Peace length and quality.  Jeez... .

No kidding... .it better be a work of art, ready for a Pulitzer.  What the heck is she writing?  A word a day? 

Glad you got the middle school taken care of... .I hope your CE can catch on as fast as the other lawyer did that the mom has a personality disorder, but given how long it is taking for the report to be written, I DO wonder.  It shouldn't be that hard. 

I've been yelled at in court by judges and am used to it. The first time I was perplexed because he was yelling at me about something ex said in court. However, the ruling went the way I was seeking. Eventually I realized the judges were doing that to make it appear both sides "won". Now, when I get yelled at I view it as a good sign.
My ex brought up one yelling episode in an email to me and used it to admonish me. The way she worded her email I realized she had no idea what happened in court but she viewed it as a win for her. I didn't reply since the email had nothing to do with our boys.
I have a video and an audio recorder with me when I pick our boys up at ex's place. It is illegal in the state I am in. Ex brought it up in court and the judge yelled at me telling me I was breaking the law. When he stopped. I waited for about 20 seconds, and asked the judge if I could ask a question. He paused and then said yes. I asked him how could I protect myself from false allegations without the recording devices. He yelled another ten minutes or so but never gave me an answer to my question. I still have both recording devices when ever I pick the boys up at ex's.
Getting the school issue straightened out sounds like a win for SD. Also, I noticed that my ex became more distant with our boys as they started middle school. I think it was the age and them becoming more independent. It erodes the power my ex held over them when they were younger.

I was admonished in every court hearing I had, too. I was usually admonished the most when the hearing was favorable toward me.  

Judge's are considered the "supreme witness" of a case. If they are found to be playing favorites, the ruling can be overturned in appeal.

My ex filed four appeals and when I finally understood the favoritism piece, I learned to love the admonishments  :)

Clearly the judge's admonishment went right over uBPDbm's head... .her first email to us after the hearing was "Bull(bad word). Like the judge said take responsibility and stop punishing SD11. It's your fault we were there today, not mine. It's your fault you didn't get her Friday, not mine. Grow up already and think of someone other than yourself... .like SD11." Ok lady. ::the eyeroll emoji is gone!::

I think DH was worried about getting admonished in front of the CE. Our L said to DH not to worry, that the CE knows who causes the problems.

DH said when uBPDbm stormed out of the court room, the new L heard her stop at the CE and say "Can I ask you something?" and the CE just said "No.". lol

I'm hopeful that the CE finally makes good on her word and finishes up the report on Monday but DH and I have a bad feeling that since the pressure of the hearing is off, she'll put our report back on the bottom of the pile. I have so much anxiety waiting for this report to be finished! I'm hoping for the best but preparing myself for the worst.

Oh no!  No eyeroll emoji?  That is one of the best ones.

That is what my DH was doing--probably moreso preparing for the worst, but really, if CE knows who is causing the trouble and is brushing her new lawyer off, that is a good sign!

If there is any indication that the CE is going to lag now on completing that report, it's time for your lawyer to hound her about it.

I came to check on your report. Guess it wasn't forthcoming. I can't believe how skewed the deadline for the report had become.

Ugh, no, of course no report. Like I said, now that the pressure of the hearing is off I believe we are going back to the bottom of the pile.

The landlord at the CE's office space filed and was granted a motion for default yesterday in their eviction of her, so it looks like the CE is going to be closing up her office very soon.

On Saturday we received a call from CPS asking about allegations made in January that uBPDbm was forcing medicine on SD11. We sent a note to our L and the CE just to inform them that this investigation was going on.

DH just got an email from the CE and she said she is going to make a few calls about it. I don't think it is anything major, but it'll definitely delay the report release.

Yup, that'll buy her some time.
I remember when the kids moved in with us when we finally got custody after several years of uBPDm obstructing us from getting the case in front of a judge. The kids were not happy about the move. SD said that if they were going to have to move then it should have happened much sooner because making them move after she'd already gotten to middle school age was really unfair. As if the whole thing was our choice.