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So I've been limited contact with my exBPD for over a month now (full NC for the first month, spoken to her on 2 occasions in the last week). The only reason I spoke to her was that I heard through a mutual friend that our cat (which is now in her possession) was living in poor conditions and was probably being neglected. It broke my heart so I had to do something about it. I did some research and found out how to get permanent legal ownership of the cat, which entails my exBPD signing a pet adoption form.

I told her I would not take the cat unless she signed the form, so it would legally be mine and she would never see it again. At first she agreed to sign it, I was over the moon and so excited to have my cat back where I know it is safe and well looked after. Then a few hours later she tells me she was advised by her doctor/surgeon to not sign any legal documents due to recent surgery and medication (sounds like bullsh*t, can anyone confirm?), so I have to wait another week. So I wait the week and message her today and she gives me the same excuse. Then she calls me and starts talking about some property that I still have of hers, then she starts talking about other personal stuff and says she misses me. I had a feeling that she was trying to worm her way back into my life, so I cut the phone call short.

I'm 99% sure she is just screwing me around and using the cat as bait (because she KNOWS I want the cat) so she has a reason to stay in my life, but the 1% chance of getting the cat is making me not want to give up. I'm thinking of giving her another couple weeks to make up her mind, even though I already gave her a week to decide. I really just want the cat back and to never speak to her again, but I don't know if it's possible. I think I'm still too emotionally invested to make rational decisions. What should I do?

Wait until she is out and go get it. x

Tell her to let you know when she is dismissed by her doctor (it is bull, but I wouldn't have her sign anything she could use against the agreement later)... .Trade her stuff with the cat. Don't agree to give her anything until then. She probably doesn't even want her stuff, mine would ask and then seem to forget about it. They like you to have stuff so they can contact you later. Don't expect a recycle and if it is, don't give in to it! She may just be playing with you... .just to hurt you again. Be very careful... .Get the cat as soon as you can, but do it so she can't get the cat back. Save the emails or texts about it as well. Very important. Just in case she calls the cops and says you took the cat. I had a similar thing with his camera... I had all of the e-mails and a signed receipt. He threatened to call the cops on me... .Be careful. I hope you get the cat soon- poor thing... .Mine left all the animals with me saying he couldn't take care of them. Then his gf promptly went out and got him a cat. He probably told her I kept him from having his! They named it Bella which is the stupid name he called ALL of his gf's  (she is so dumb) - I am proud to say I wouldn't let him call me that! LOL  Good luck.

its unclear to me how she is using the cat to stay in communication; youve had limited contact, contact limited to the cat, initiated by you.

its less likely that shes trying to use the cat to communicate with you, more likely that shes dragging her feet for one reason or another: it could provoke the fear of abandonment (as the exchange of belongings will do) or she simply doesnt want to, or doesnt want to enough.

if theres a 1% chance, is this about the cat, or an effort to force closure, or both? if its purely about the cat, do you need a legal form?

I didn't make it clear in my original post but I only initiated contact because she told our mutual friend that she would give me the cat if I actually answered her phone calls for once... .so I did. Then I got the wishy-washy bullsh*t and mind-games from her.

Anyway she just messaged me saying that she's going to hand in the cat to the pound tomorrow morning... .on the other side of the city. But previously she told me that she was living with her new boyfriend, who works nearby to me. She doesn't have a car or license, so it makes no sense that she would take it all the way there. I think she is trying to trick me into driving an hour for nothing. What the f**k is wrong with this person?

She's such a pathological liar that I have no clue what to believe anymore. I honestly think it take a miracle to get the cat off her.

Well it all seems very weird. If her friend cared enough to tell you that cat was being mistreated surely she would tell you where your ex is living? New bf near you or at the home you both lived in together. Clearly she is using the cat as weapon/reason to be in touch with you. Is it an inside only cat or does it go out? Why don't you just contact (I don't know what equivalent is but in uk it's RSPCA and tell them you have reason to believe the cat is being mistreated and would they be there with you when you go and reclaim it. Your ex is just being a nasty b___. You could also call the pound and ask them to contact you if she does take the cat in ( but I bet she doesn't) They would rather you picked it up than have to feed and try and rehome it. Good luck. x

It's a simple case of her having something you want and that is important to you. In a normal breakup between two normal adults , arrangements can be made to do what's best for the cat. In this case you are dealing with a three year old who's using a pet to keep you in ensnared. Remember they are dead inside, and need drama and chaos to feel alive. I say inform yourself on your rights, and do things by the law.

Exactly, no one would leave a 3 year old in charge of a cat! Doing it by letter of the law is what you would be doing if you took your animal protection people with you to pick up your cat. I don't understand the pet paperwork adoption stuff, we don't have that here but I do think conversing with her is a waste of time from what you have said. All the time she is playing games the longer the cat, what's it's name by the way, is suffering. I really hope you get it soon, I get unconditional love from my little cat and it helps me so much with my deep sadness and misery at the moment. Hope getting yours back can do that for you. xx

Just my opinion but this is the game they play.  Just be glad you don't have children. 

One more update... .

Finally we managed to plan a time and place to meet. I agreed to give her $200 for the cat. She tells me to meet her where she is, at a housing agency (where they help disadvantaged people find accommodation). So I get there and she was waiting in a reception room with the cat, litter box, and its toys. My heart melted at the sight of seeing our cat again, I forgot how adorable she is. Just seeing her again triggered fantasies of taking her home, taking good care of her and being happy together. I desperately wanted to take her with me.

As we are talking, a worker from the agency comes in, and my exBPD tells her what is happening. Then the worker says that they can't find her a house while she has a cat. But, as I feared, my exBPD's fear of abandonment is so strong that she can't muster the strength to sign the adoption contract to give me ownership of it. She tells me that the cat is all she has, and the only thing that keeps her company, which is probably true (her parents are selfish, piece of sh*t low-lives, and the few friends she has aren't much better). She cried at this realization, which made me cry too, so I told her to keep the cat. I still have a soft spot for my exBPD, even after the crap she put me through.

I actually have no idea what the future of the cat is now. I can't take the cat temporarily (only permanently), she can't give the cat up permanently due to abandonment issues, and the housing agency says they can't find her a place to stay while she has a cat. The only way I can see her keeping the cat is pretending like she gave it up, which I am assuming is what she will do. It's a really sh*tty, no-win situation.

Even after all that, there's still a part of me that hopes I will have the cat one day. As 'SWLSR' says above, the one thing I can be glad of, is that I don't have kids with her. But I'm still a complete emotional wreck over this.

Whether you took the cat or she kept the cat, she knows now that it works to enmesh you into contact with her. She needs the contact from YOU. If you took the cat, the next thing would be her initiating contact in another way (through a mutual friend or directly) of how much she misses the cat and you took the only thing that loves her or she can give love to and now she's worthless.
This is why it's so important to detach from your pwBPD. If you haven't in actuality, at least in your actions.
If this is about the cat, look at it objectively. Did the cat appear mistreated? Does it matter for the cat's best interest where it lives? If not, then drop it. If so, and it bothers you, look into how to report the mistreatment. If the cat is brought into animal shelter, you can get it there.
I'm sorry you're going through this. It's really hard to detach from someone you love.

A cat is no reason to hold onto someone. There are plenty of unwanted cats just dying to be adopted. Contact over a cat, is this a middle school board? Some people have real issues.

It's clearly not only about a cat on either side. Sometimes it takes time to process real issues and not judge or be unkind. Have you looked at where your anger is coming from. I would love to feel something other than dead.

Yeah I f*cked up big time by letting her know that I wanted the cat back, but I felt like I had to at least give it a try so I knew for sure.

Throughout the first 3 weeks of NC, she only mentioned the cat once (on the first day). Then once I let her know I was interested in the cat, it has opened the floodgates. She's contacted me almost every day about it. I made it even worse today by hanging around, patiently waiting for her to sign the adoption contract. Now she's telling me she's going in for an operation and has noone to take care of the cat for a few days. I'm almost certain it's not true and she's just trying to play on my guilt/kind-hearted nature and manipulate me into staying involved with her.

I think you're also right about her harassing me if she actually gave me the cat. She kept asking 'are you going to send me pictures of her?' when she was contemplating signing the contract, implying she was going to use it to keep in contact with me.

Even though I was very attached to the cat (I was probably more attached to the cat than my ex), I'm starting to think it's not worth the drama.

So sorry you have to go thru this but the reality is -- it's a cat. Try not to ascribe human emotions to the kitty.

Yesterday after I'd gotten the rest of my stuff from our former home, my ex and I ended this "interaction" with her calling me an emasculating slur.

Today she is desperate to re-write history, she wanted to talk to me so "we could end things on a positive note." She cannot handle the fact that I left following her using one of her slurs towards me because it justifies my leaving. It's driving her nuts.

She said she'd call tonight so we could talk and re-write history but I ignored the call(s).

An hour later, she's calling me saying one of our cats was missing and to please call her because she thinks I took the cat yesterday, even though she watched the entire process of my packing my van. I didn't take the cat, you know?

Next thing I know I have 10 Facebook messages from mutual friends asking if I have the cat. I blocked the ex but apparently she posted a plea for help: "Someone, please, contact Powell and let me know if he has the cat, he is not responding to my calls."

I am not responding because I am not willing to allow yesterday's history to be re-written, which is what she always wants.

I predict the cat re-appears by morning; if not, she got eaten by a coyote. What can I possibly do about that when I live 80 miles away?