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Title: In one hour Post by: Sadly on July 09, 2016, 05:07:07 AM It will be 3 days NC.
Still having breathing/panic attacks. Still crumbling to my knees with grief. Am on here constantly every time it happens, it helps. Still feel so crushed and broken but I won't contact him. Terrified if he contacts me. We were supposed to be visiting his sick mother soon. I love her and she loves me. Am so very sad. If he tells her we are over she will be so upset. She is dying very slowly and I would love to spend time with her. Sorry this is sad and not very positive. Xx Title: Re: In one hour Post by: gotbushels on July 09, 2016, 05:52:03 AM Hi Sadly
It's alright. It's NC... .that's a big deal. It's only been three days too. You're not alone. Being sad is sometimes necessary so we can get through this. It can sometimes help us to make sense of things that don't make sense without sadness. It helps us to heal. I hope you're taking extra special care of yourself over these next few days. It's okay. Title: Re: In one hour Post by: seenr on July 09, 2016, 06:39:58 AM Hang in there Sadly
We have all been there. The drug is still in your system. The story with his Mother is tough. Just take care of yourself. Title: Re: In one hour Post by: Meili on July 09, 2016, 07:16:40 AM "Only three days"? No, not only. Three days is an accomplishment. I know that right now it is really hard to see, that means three days of you taking care of you. That's a big deal!
Most of us non have been so conditioned to believe that we are not worthy of taking care of ourselves or some other such lie that it is hard to see the great things that we are doing for ourselves when we start to take care of our own needs. We are proud of you for taking care of you! Title: Re: In one hour Post by: Sadly on July 09, 2016, 08:13:43 AM Thank you all so very much. Am so very afraid, I don't know how I would do without all of your care and Support. It's like being stuck in a nightmare and I want to wake up and find myself back 2 years ago. Then I realise it's not a nightmare, this is my real, my life now and I struggle to picture what has gone before. I miss so much of him and our lives and yet there is so much I don't miss. Am trying to care for myself honestly. Love to you all. Xx
Title: Re: In one hour Post by: atomic popsicles on July 09, 2016, 09:40:50 AM I totally get it. I am on Day 6 I think... .and it is SO HARD. Feel free to pm me any time and I will listen and commiserate. Talk to us and not him.
Title: Re: In one hour Post by: Sadly on July 09, 2016, 10:16:45 AM Thanks AP, I will. It's weird, I don't struggle with the concept of BPD. I have read enough to know that it is what it is, a serious mental illness. I don't struggle with anger anymore, how pointless. I was angry with cancer when it ravaged my mums body and took her life but that was equally pointless, it's a serious physical illness. I don't even struggle with the concept anymore that I cannot help him though it adds to my sadness. What I do struggle with is the breathtaking loss of the love of my life ( not the person he morphed into) I struggle with my own grief and loss beyond almost anything I have felt before. I struggle with the unbearable sadness of being me. Does that sound incredibly selfish? Well done you for day 6, just think, when I get to day 6 you will be on day 9, how great is that. xx
Title: Re: In one hour Post by: gotbushels on July 09, 2016, 10:36:02 AM It gets easier :)
Something you can look forward to is that things like a sense of healthy freedom, awareness, and personal power tend to increase as time passes. |iiii |