BPDFamily.com

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/having-sex-wanting-intimacy/201606/how-get-over-ex-and-2-major-mistakes-avoid?utm_source=FacebookPost&utm_medium=FBPost&utm_campaign=FBPost

Hi don't know if can post this link but I thought it was a useful exercise to stop obssessing anout ex and putting them in over positive or negative light x

It says obssessing is normal - however we can get stuck there. Thinking of them in over positive or negative light keeps us stuck.

Hi CherryB
The link worked thanks. It's good advice, I started doing the writing down of everything a few days ago, at present just the negative and horrid side of my relationship, it does help me when I feel the emotional overwhelming love and need for him. Thanks, good luck wth your healing. X

Thank you, thank you, thank you

yeah, seems logical.

I have been obsessed, in the relationship still about what was going wrong and how to fix it... .

Then i was obsessed with the inevitable discard and how to avoid it... .

Then i was obsessed with how she pulled it of to just transform herself into a man-eating machine... .

Then it was the loss... .

Then it was my own side... .

Then i obsessed over the conflicting signs that she wanted to reconcile

And i think i am now finally at a point where i am running out of things to obsess about :-)

Did i miss any points?

Yes, obsessing either way will keep you stuck (especially those conflicting signs!).

I think that's why focusing on yourself is pushed. Thinking about ourselves, our needs, and our parts in all of this is actually somethings worth obsessing over.

Yes, I can see this as  helpful... .only thing is they really are "immoral or psychopathic" as the article said! So, it's not as simple as this if we were trauma bonded. I have a friend that has been out of her psychopathic relationship since 2002. She still has PTSD symptoms. I think you have to cut yourself some slack and just give it time. Nothing about these relationships were "normal". You can't hurry up recovery... .it will take whatever it takes. If you can try and stop obsessing, that is good. For me, I don't obsess about him in that I feel any love for him anymore. I obsess over what he did to me and how I can recover. It actually helps me to understand what happened so I don't feel like a victim. I feel I am slowly paying less attention to him and his life... .I almost look at him as a case study now. I think it all takes time to heal from wounds that go so deep. We need to forgive ourselves.

So true Herodias x