BPDFamily.com

Hello everyone

Thinking a lot over the past few weeks and going to many AA meeting and church and doing my best to ask God to remove my character defects.

I know now God works miracles in AA, He delivered me from alcohol abuse, smoking, and now the far greatest and potentially most damaging and destructive addiction, my BPDexgf.

It's not been easy on those who love me as well, when people who love us see us suffer it does hurt them too.

We were sitting around yesterday morning after our meeting and my sponsor and another guy were joking around, one of them said, "I drank because I was an a-hole" my sponsor said, "no we don't drink because of anything but pure immaturity and immaturity is why we drink"

Drunks are all about needeing to grow up.

I know I'm immature for many reasons and not the least of which getting involved with a woman with so many mental health issues. Talk about doomed to fail before even starting. I picked the sickest person I could find and try to save her and I was drowning as well, maybe not as quickly but something attracted me to her and it sure wasn't a healthy relationship I was in store for.

Anyway I'm growing up, it's a choice, it's an action, it's a way of life.

Not saying I enjoy all of it but it is nice putting on the big boy clothes and joining the adults for a change. Being self centered, fearful, resentful and angry have just got to be put behind me so I can take the best care of our son and myself and serve others.

I have a long way to go, and no idea how much time I will have here on earth, all I have is right now and do the best I can with what's right in front of me.

I've heard so many members tell of how emotionally unbalanced and desperate they were for a long time once facing sobriety in AA.

I have to confess, being able to think, remember, sleep, relax and laugh are pretty high on my list of nessesary daily skills I am not forfeiting to someone else's wellbeing, especially someone with a personality disorder.

When I was with my exgf I was an emotional mess most of the time.

My sponsor says, if you want a refund on your misery it's all yours.

Have a great night everyone.