BPDFamily.com

Been separated (per my decision) from my uBPDw for the past 5 months. We agreed early on we both wanted to reconcile, but while I've made efforts on my own by pursuing counseling she has showed no signs of wanting to change or except any responsibility for her side of our problems. Big shock with BPD, eh? I deactivated my facebook account about a month ago in order to shield myself from seeing things that would just make me feel worse. We haven't had any sort of communication in 25 days. I was talking with my brother on the phone and he was like, ":)id you know [insert BPD wife's name] changed her last name on facebook back to her maiden name?" Pretty hurtful, but can't say that I'm all that shocked. Facebook was actually the only place she changed her last name when we got married anyway. I asked her many times after the wedding if/when she was going to change her last name legally, and why not? She claimed it was a whole lot of trouble. Uh, really? And the best part is she always accused me things that demonstrated that I was never fully committed to joining our lives together. Smh.

My guess would be that it's just to hurt you. Experience from my ex is that FB is the only place they can take any real "physical" action of victimhood. Meaning that in real life they can't actually turn things that much for themselves. So FB is the fairy land where they can never never face the truth. And an added plus is that they can post whatever they want there to hurt you. Yes, you're FB might be deactivated, but she's hoping that it will somehow get back to you. Example from my life is that I blocked my ex, but she posted tons of pictures with my stuff around. She went as far as wearing my necklace that I wore for 3 years strait (and had left with all my stuff) in a picture of her and her new gf. She wanted to get my attention in any way she could. She also posted a picture wearing the promise ring she had given me, and that I had taken off when we were "figuring things out". They're cruel.

All of these things ring true. And I know that, at least in my ex's case, reaching out to hurt me was also how she would try to draw me back in. It's twisted and cruel, but also makes some sense when you think that they often deal with conflicting emotions in childish ways. My ex would lash out to hurt us, so that I would step in and fix things, and thus show that I care. She would act out in other ways too -- one time she went WAY over the line in sexual innuendo with her best friend's husband and I stomped on her foot, hoping she would get the point without making a scene in front of the whole group that was there. Later she kept telling me how much she "loved it" that I would literally put my foot down and keep her in line, and she said she spoke with her best friend and that I "was right" that the sexual innuendo always upset her. No kidding.

When we reach our respective breaking points and realise that we just cannot deal with this kind of hurtful dynamic (which typically seems to escalate -- I know my ex kept "upping the ante" to keep the drama going, meaning for instance that she went from inappropriate flirtation to sleeping with other guys), then it's up to us to step away.

My ex knew me inside and out and so she always knew how to hit below the belt to make me really hurt. It's so painful and sad to have someone you love treat you that way. I feel for you, Orange. It leaves a very bitter taste in your mouth, I know ... .