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I been a month NC.  My ex and a lot of her friends post stuff of them partying etc.  she does not post about other men as I'm sure it would mess up her game with all the men she is seeing.  I look.  I try not to.  But I do.   My Instagram and FB are private.   I have a gorgeous new girl whom I love but still dealing with wounds.  Some days I want to make my stuff public so she can see and remember what she gave up.   Other days I don't.  I want her to feel.  Any thoughts?   She hasn't contacted me in month.  Maybe this would make her and then I would feel better?  Idk

Confused,

I think what you are feeling is completely normal.  My advice to you is that you have a choice of whether you act on it.  Don't.  You are better than that.  Focus on you and getting better.  One day she will see it and know and one day you won't care anymore.  You might be seeking validation from her right now... .that you were good to her, you weren't all bad... .

You need to know and believe this inside of you.  You don't need her to tell you this. 

My guess is you would feel better for a minute if she contacted you but then the feelings will shift and you will feel bad again.  Mainly because you are putting your happiness in what she says/does.  You need to invest in you. 

Stay strong - I hope she does come back to you one day to tell you she made a mistake.  I also hope that on that day you are strong enough to say thank you, smile and walk away.

Bunny

Bunny thank you very much.  Yes your right part of me wants her to see I'm doing good.  I look better.  And she messed up.  We were together 8 years and married.   And back together.  And broke up.  And back together.  And broke up.  This is longest in 8 years I have not seen or heard from her.  I hear stories that she has men 25-35 years old then her (she is 28) paying her rent and bills. She always seems so happy in her pics.  But she can't stick with anything.  I guess I'll stay quiet thx for advice any more is appreciated

Confused,

I do get where you are coming from about wanting her to know you are happy but also kind of wanting her to realize she won't be.  My emotions sometimes get the best of me and I somehow link my ex's happiness to meaning I'm not happy.  lol.  Like he is taking my happiness from me by being happy... .

Remind yourself it doesn't work like that.  If you are happy, you are happy.  Her appearing to be happy too does not change a thing.  Maybe we want them to be happy but not happier than us... .too funny. 

I work with my ex so it is in my face how he is ga ga over his new girl.  Everyone is talking and I want to just roll my eyes like "yeh I've seen the end of this movie already."  But I don't.  I don't give anyone at work anything to feed off of.  I just appear indifferent, don't ask questions, one word responses or I say things like... ."that doesn't surprise me."  Keep them guessing and wondering.  No one at work really knows about all the drama I went through but I see them watching me... .my strength, my demeanor, my happiness and I know they wonder... .who did what?  why did it end?  I even think they say to themselves, "she seems like such an amazing young lady, it must have been him."  ha ha   (evern if that's not what they are thinking, it makes me feel better to think so) He just had his first grandchild and people will look me straight in the eyes and say, "have you seen the baby, he is so cute."  they want me to engage, they want information.  I just look right back into their eyes and say, "no I haven't, I'm sure he is" and slowly go back to whatever I was in the middle of doing.  Inside though, it used to piss me off.  While I was still in the angry mode... .ugh it was so much harder then. 

In the beginning of the breakup, I kept distance because he would start drama at work. Like trying to do things to control me or draw negative attention to me.  I never reacted, I just pretended to be oblivious to his games.  I don't need him to know I'm happy.  It is my little secret and he doesn't get to be apart of it. :)



Bunny

Has anyone else ever gone through this.  :)o you keep your life quiet or post pics to piss him/her off.   She posts all the time.  I'm dead silent.  I want to affect her a bit but not sure.  Help please

It sounds like you are heading down a path of trying to get a reaction from her.  Do you know why?  If you have a beautiful woman in your life now, why are you  not focusing on that relationship?

Bunny

I guess because of all the lying and cheating.  She had a affair.  Then I took her back months later.  Then we broke up again and she was milking old guys for money.   Then as recent as 2 months ago we went away and had a great time and felt like it was headed back to normal.  Until I got a call from a random woman saying she was sleeping with her husband.  Now I hear she has men Paying her rent and anything she wants.  I'm mad.  I'm hurt.  I know she is basically a prostitute but I can't believe she feels nothing

I'm sure everyone else on this board is going to disagree, but I say do it! If you have an awesome gf now, by all means, show her off!

I've recently done similar, and it felt great! (Without the new gf part. That might take a while... .)

I started by posting several stories to Snapchat, where I could see that she saw ALL of mine, and I made a point never to look at her's. When she deleted me off of there, I switched to Instagram because I knew she would see those.

I also went back through ALL of both her and my Facebook and Instagram posts, un-liking all of her posts I had liked, and deleting all of my comments of her posts, and her comments off of mine, as well as the photos of us together. It felt good to erase her from my digital life.

After 6 weeks NC, I finally baited her by posting a screenshot from Tinder. She messaged me "hey", and I responded by telling her I thought it was F'd-up that she has guys come over and sleeps with them on her boyfriend's own bed whenever he goes out of town (which is all the time.) She didn't appreciate that, and now I'm blocked on FB and IG as well. But, all of my social media is public, so I know she can see my stuff whenever she wants, thus the trolling shall continue... .

Why did I do it? Well, I think I felt very powerful knowing that my posts would tweak her, but that I was completely immune to her's. I think that feeling of victory greatly helped with the final phases of my healing and detachment. It felt really good knowing I could "win" without having to stoop to her level of spewing vitriol or sadistic acts of revenge.

Right there with you, bro, although mine was also a literal prostitute!  :)

Confused,

As long as it doesn't hurt you or mess with your healing.  Go ahead and do it.  My fear was you wanted her to contact you and say she realized she made a mistake and wants you back.  If your strong enough to not do go down that path - - post away.

So conflicted now.  I am not sure I am there yet.  And she thinks everyone is uglier then her so she might not give a ___.  Just wondering what hurts her more.   Seeing it or not knowing a thing

Confused,

Try and remember BPD make up whatever story in their head they want to suit their emotional needs at the time.  Hard to say which way it will go.  Would depend on how she is feeling at that moment... .

Maybe don't do anything right now but think more about how you feel and what you want out of a relationship and whether you can have your needs met with your ex. 

Bunny

Confused, I share the same fear as bunny.  Your subject line, above, seems to imply that you want to get back together with her.  Do you?  It might help to determine what you really want to see happen.  If you want her back, then I might suggest that you are going about it a**-backwards, so-to-speak.

LuckyJim

I guess not completely over her but no I don't want her back.  She is and will always be a horrible horrible person

My advice is to stay away from social media -- block her, keep your posts to a minimum, and try to work past the need to impress her in some way. The only way she will ever respect you is if you never contact her again in any way, shape or form. Your respect is already gone in her "mind", it will never come back unless you earn it the old fashioned way, by standing up for yourself and leaving her in the dumpster.

Stay away from social media, it will only prolong the misery.

This, yes. Simple, elegant, beautiful.

Perfect perfect advice.  Thank you.  Made my night

Judging by what I've read online, a manipulative ex, especially if you still hld romantic, negative or passionate feelings for him/her, should never know anything else about your life.  Good or bad.

Good could make them want to come around and put a stop to it.  Bad could hurt you by them bolstering about you not doing so well and look at how well they're doing.

Either way, the non loses.  Keep your life to yourself.  If he/she left, then he/she didn't want to know, so now doesn't have to know. 

My thing, every time she asks a question about anything that has to do with my life, I think fast. But I never tell her about me anymore, b/c she showed me no interest.  Now, she can keep her malicious display of interest b/c I'm not sharing.