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Tonight I had an epiphany as I detach, and recover from my own codependency. I wanted to share it and I hope it makes sense/ helps someone.

I imagined a bubble around me which contains my person and my serenity. Inside it, I and trusted others am/are building my self love, respect and compassion. I eject other people's shame, guilt and anger from it (including childhood and relationship traumas). I define who or what is allowed inside. I reframe and refocus my life towards an exciting and positive future. That's my responsibility.

My BPD/NPD ex as well as other people, places and things exist outside my bubble and are my higher power's responsibility, NOT mine.

This boundary defines my detachment. I become:

- dysfunctional when I attach, when I try to control the uncontrollable like my ex.

- overwhelmed and self destructive when I allow people places and things into my bubble.

Finally I seek the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.

Nice Moselle.  I've been doing similar, what you call a bubble I call my core, and great lives start inside and grow from the inside out, and we get to decide what to include in those lives and what not to, which also requires paying attention and being aware and self-aware.  Like you mention it's about boundaries, and also about staying centered and balanced.  And a big part of that is leaving things we can't control alone, none of our business really.  That brings serenity yes, like a prayer?

Very smart.  Good idea. I should start thinking like this. Thanks

Hi Moselle,

Great stuff!  |iiii I really like your concept of your bubble. It made me think about how boundaries reflect values, which are the way we want to be in the world, and what we stand for.

I remember speaking with my therapist about my own slippery boundaries and I remember her helping me visualize a kind of flexible, breathing membrane, instead of a "wall-ish" thing that I was doing to protect myself.

"I define who or what is allowed inside." That is a powerful statement that I will remember. Thank you.

heartandwhole

That is a great way to look at all of it. Having some sort of line between myself and others has helped me also. Knowing what is theirs to own and what is mine has been huge for me.

Loved the post Moselle.  :)