BPDFamily.com

This thought came to me the other day as I was watching some children play.  

I would assume that most of us here remember doing something as a child that we knew we shouldn’t and then once getting caught, denying it.  I remember doing this as a child and thinking to myself that I could smile or charm my way out of it, simply deny it out of existence, make up a story about what happened or better yet, blame my sibling for it.  As I was thinking about all those methods children use, I was struck by how similar all that behavior was to my exBPDw of coping.

Sometimes I would get real belligerent about the whole ordeal and my parents/teachers would cut me some slack, so I thought I got away with it.  Other times, I felt so defiant that I would yell and scream until I got parent/teacher to let it go and then thought I got away with it.  All the while, as a  boy, seeking their approval and feeling like I was a trustworthy child.

From the eyes of a child; I thought of myself as smart, lovable, charming but did not feel any malice in blaming a sibling or denying my involvement – I just saw the world as either I got away with it or I didn’t.  Often to only to repeat the same behaviors again until I got caught or called out and punished.

At some point, I matured enough to realize that what I was doing was wrong to others and I wanted to be more mature.

Isn't this analogy extremely fitting for some of the behavior we have all experienced?  I think so.  This analogy hit me so clearly that I really think that there is no denying pwBPD being stuck in a stage of early emotional development but with adult minds, bodies and brains – just like the literature says.  There is no way to punish them in a parental way that is constructive, so we are left reacting to their bad behaviors believing that they are mature enough to understand – because they are adult – but they are not mature enough.

NOTE: This post not intended to be bashing or trash talking, rather, to stimulate a discussion as to whether or not you can see your experiences in the same context.  And if so, perhaps there is some insight to be gained in the process of detaching in realizing that there is no action we could have taken that would change the behavior of what amounts to a childish-adult that is stuck in some early stage of development.


My guess is that pwBPD are partially aware of their state and yet can’t move on from it (without a formal maturation process – [which is not marriage or romantic in scope!  :) ]) and so simply run from situation to situation looking for the missing development or masking their inner fear that they cannot move on from.

Kind of allows me to feel some sympathy for what that must be like and some context for how the r/s could not be resolved regardless of how much I tried - especially if they don't see it themselves.

JRB