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Did you experience your pwBPD  pretending that they don't know how to do things in order to get out situations? I am quite sure my ex is pretending he doesn't know how to set up a pal pal account, when he had one in the past in which he used to buy and sell things on eBay for quite a few years. It is made quite clear in the directions how to use it. In the meantime, he is getting all kinds of attention from his lawyer, my lawyer and her paralegal "teaching" him how to use it! I told her he is just trying to up my fees to her, by playing games... .I am so upset. This is where the gas-lighting comes in. In my right mind, I know that he clearly knows how to do it... .but there is this little part of me that thinks he is some kind of toddler that can't do a thing for himself! Where does that come from? He is a grown man that was a manager of a store! He has to know what he is doing, right?

Bingo!


In the same way that a child knows that what they are doing is not right.  They know, but have no sense of the implication of their actions beyond, can or can I not get away with it.

You are the parent, they are the child.  They need firm guidelines and to clearly communicate implications of bad behavior.  No other way around it.

Hello
Mine could never pretend not to be able to do something, he would see that as a weakness, however if I needed something physical doing he would have a bad back, leg,ear, eyeball or would eventually do something for me, when he felt like it, regardless of when I needed it doing. Xx

My EX asks me to write letters for her when she has some administrative problems to solve; it is just a strategy to connect because her new BF is fully able to provide the same help.
I don’t know if it is just a way to test me or a form of nostalgia (once a month she misses me…)

Mine acts helpless all the time about some very basic things -- making appointments, paying bills, having her car serviced, installing updates on her phone. I think there's a mix of decision paralysis and dependency there. She can do these things if forced, but she convinces herself that she can't and that I must do them for her.

flourdust, mine is the same way... .ridiculous! Funny thing, my lawyer blasted him today and he paid me immediately! Funny how he figured it out so fast, lol