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My wife cries a lot because "people dont treat her right " When I try and console her she calms down a lot , but then starts verbally attacking me , and caslls me all the names under the sun . I have tried to cope with this over a number of years , but now just let her cry and get on with it

My GF does this. Lately I have been getting up and leaving. When she starts getting upset that I am not there for her I say... .I was there for you and you treated me like $@#* so I had to leave. Im not a punching bag. I tell her to let me know when she feels like being nice again. I put it on her to make things better again. Its been working lately. Sometimes it takes hours for her to apologize for attacking me when Im consoling her. Usually she doesn't attack me for anything related to what she is upset about. Its usually about something else.

I wouldn't just ignore her when she is upset. Let her know you are there for her until she goes nuts on you. Then you can leave her alone.

Hi Gampopa21,

your problem is not that your wife is crying. The problem are overwhelming emotions that rule your wife. Crying is releasing emotions so that is a positive thing. Seriously, not kidding here!

When you try to console your wife you probably want to stop her crying. The naive and culturally accepted way is telling her things are not so really bad and will turn better soon. That is invalidating and is making matters worse - and predictably your wife becomes aggressive.

You want to do the right things but pwBPD are very, very sensitive about how you go about it. You really have to do the right things in the exactly right way. Please study the LESSONS and in particular the workshops on validation. When she is crying she is mostly out of reach. Accepting that is hard initially. Often it is enough to show that you know she is desperate and you'll be there when she has calmed down. Giving her space is important - otherwise you simply will be seen as the cause for her troubles.

*welcome*,
a0