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I feel pretty pathetic with all that reminds me of her. Sometimes something does, and I can't even pinpoint WHY it does.

Things in particular that always leave me empty are:
Cold days. When the fall weather starts, it brings me back to the type of weather when we first met and that we both loved.
But even non-cold days, like summer days with a slight breeze reminds me of the beach.

My ex brought the replacement to OUR vacation spot recently, and my original home town, where i'd take her every year!
Why the hell would she do that?

Anyway, aside from the weather, if I get a whiff of a scent she would wear, if I go to the movies ( I still imagine her beside me and it always breaks me) and really too many to count.

I can think i am doing good, but if something triggers me, I go into an emptiness and I restart over again.

Every morning I wake up without her by my side

Mornings are tough, even 7 months later. Yesterday was her birthday, so I felt a weird mix of things there. I look forward to the day when I don't even care anymore.

Wood burning stove and candle light, Springsteen, Goo Goo dolls, Steve Earle, t shirts, holey socks, aftershave. Two brown leather arm chairs. So much.
I don't have the fire any more or light candles. Can't play the music or wear the t's. The socks and aftershave are binned and the arms chairs are in his shed waiting to go to the charity shop. I can't look at them, one has the shape of his head in it, just off centre cos he used to tilt his head that way when we talked for hours. Have moved house but everywhere I look I see and feel him. My cat, they adored each other and she looks for him. My beds too big without him, I sleep in a tiny single. Oh Indi the f*cking air that I breathe is weird when we don't breathe it in the same room. Xx

Prepare to be triggered.  It will happen.  It will suck.  It will keep happening and continue to suck.  And then one day it won't.

For example, we had tickets to the baseball team and we'd go as a family.  What am I gonna do, stop going?  So now the kids and I and a friend go, or we just leave the one seat empty.  And they have a blast and I still get to do something I love.  But, the first half dozen times it was murder.  The kids were into the game and all I could think about was her.  And then I'd get a baby sitter and the guys would go with me and being in the seats wasn't so bad, but getting certain foods would trigger me.  Or  certain teams would trigger me (long, even more boring stories).  But then, one day a few weeks ago, three friends and I went to see the game and she didn't even cross my mind till she called me on my way out of the stadium. 

I was triggered on the way to work this morning by a song on the radio.  Only this time, it lasted for a few seconds, disappeared, and I listened to the song anyway. 

There were days at the beginning where I couldn't go thirty minutes without being triggered and it was crushing.  Now, it happens occasionally, and it sucks for a few moments, and then it doesn't.  And sometimes, I realize I would have been triggered months ago but I'm not now. 

Bottom line is it's ok that you're triggered.   Be triggered.  Feel all the triggers.  Accept the pain.  It will stop.  Promise.

I miss Sunday mornings. Making her breakfast, Sunday evening dinners.