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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Conflicted About Continuing, Divorcing/Custody, Co-parenting => Topic started by: formflier on July 16, 2016, 01:59:03 PM



Title: Wife amazed that the "hate" between us is almost gone
Post by: formflier on July 16, 2016, 01:59:03 PM

Sometimes, when practicing listening skills, you hear things that you don't want to.

Overall, this is a good news post.

My wife does this irksome thing where when she is talking about how she feels, she likes to talk about how "we" feel.  Yes there have been times lately when she will talk about "only" her feelings, but if an issue is really big or important, she retreats to how "we" feel about it.

I used to try and correct her.  Now I just listen. 

Anyway... .she said she was thinking a lot about us last night.  I was tired and went to bed early, no idea what she stayed up and did.  Anyway... .I coaxed her a bit to share what she was thinking (always a nervous thing... .) and she finally said...

"I was marveling at how our feelings of "hate" for each other are almost gone"

My interpretation is that she didn't feel comfortable saying or admitting that she used to "hate" me... .or still had some of those feelings.  She was more comfortable with "our" feelings of hate for each other.

Whatever... .

We've had a good week.  A lot has been shared.  I've tried to not go overboard on how awesome this is.  Tried to say it was good... .but normal.

FF



Title: Re: Wife amazed that the "hate" between us is almost gone
Post by: motherhen on July 16, 2016, 03:39:07 PM
Identifying and taking 50% responsibility for her emotions is pretty good!