BPDFamily.com

Hey guys,

Likely, this is in wrong section, yet I figured you guys may have good knowledge of resources.

My neighbor came to me for help, after the police left the house unable to locate her mom.  Mom ran off after threatening suicide.  Police are gone.  She is a teen minor, and it would be nice if I could provide her hotlines or such to call to help her get through the night, just to chat about things, understandably, she is anxious.  I know I have seen some online chat ones and such.  I just feel a bit overwhelmed to decide which ones seem more supportive or such.  It is always nice to hear that a place is recommended vs me just sending her a list.

(She is ok atm, has a friend staying with her and a family member via phone.  I did offer her to stay with me but she is anxious about leaving her pets and wants to keep watch for moms possible return.  I am close enough she can call, or walk very short distance... .or scream and I would hear.)

Hopefully someone can reply soon, sorry!

Thanks!

Also, I recall years ago calling police on a friend who was a risk to herself.  I recall being informed that I should ask for a certain type of deputy that handles these cases and is more trained in being kind of gentle or familiar in handling mental health issues.  Does this sound familiar? Who do I tell her to ask for to visit home of she needs to call police again and wants mom handled more from a mental health perspective vs criminal?  I forgot the name of that role.

I think the role you are looking for is Crisis Intervention Team (CIT) or an officer trained in CIT.  There is more information from NAMI if you want to check if this is what you are looking for: www.nami.org/Law-Enforcement-and-Mental-Health/What-Is-CIT.

Hopefully, some of these resources will be helpful

INFO. ON THIS WEBSITE
https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/safety_first.pdf

OTHER RESOURCES
www.yourlifeyourvoice.org/Pages/home.aspx

www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/gethelp/someone.aspx

www.store.samhsa.gov/shin/content/SMA08-4357/SMA08-4357.pdf

FORUMS:
www.teenhelp.org/

www.psychforums.com/

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

Hi Sunflower   

How are things going with your neighbor?  I hope they located her mom and that she is getting some care.  That is a lot for a teenager to handle.  You are a great neighbor to help her.  |iiii

Thank you NN!

I kept checking on her yesterday.
Then randomly, mom came home.

She thanked me.

I feel kind of odd.  I'm not sure what it is.  Could be my own desire to rescue.  Could be valid odd feeling, idk.  I feel like some "follow up" should be done or something.  She felt that the police didn't care, and actually, I do agree with her.  I feel like there should have been some kindmof protocol or something.  Like, you know a minor is home, mom ran away for over 24hrs after threats of suicide.  Shouldn't they have called and did safety checks on kid until mom came home, or even after?  Or sent a counselor to home to make a check with a trained person they can talk to?

Idk what I am asking.  I know things are the way they are.

I just feel like the child was "failed" somehow and I have a strong urge to "make it up to her" and do not know what to do.

I will ask my own T for suggestions today.  Maybe it can help me sift and sort what part of that urge is my own stuff/past, and what part is legitimate needs of the situatiin/present.

Maybe the place to start, as always, is self care for the week, then see what thoughts remain after my inner self's feel somewhat attended to.

----------

I guess part of me wishes the teen could have been offered more validation. (From me, police, anywhere) it must feel very invalidating to feel like you are having major major adult issue with mom, call police, they leave and are done.  While girl is still left to sort so much out in her mind, the rest of the world continues unmoved by possibilities on what could have happened, and how she is processing emotionally. 

Maybe I will come up with a way to reach out this week and validate, idk.

(Sorry my mind thoughts are a bit scattered)

Now I feel kind of triggered as I feel like it is bound to be awkward bumping into mom.  So my nervous system feels on alert for a "confrontation" of sorts.  Trying to prepare myself how to respond, knowing I'll likely shock and "react," so planning the following reaction/response, lol:
Your daughter didn't tell me much, just that she was worried.  
I really dont know what happened, that is ok.
I am glad you are ok.

So that is the mantra I am trying to ingrain in me so I dont say anything dumb when I bump into her.

This way if she says: What did my kid say, she is a liar, she exaggerates!
I can use sentence #1

I really do not want to know if mom has BPD or such, I want to stay removed from that.  I am happy to help kid or such, but remain neutral in moms eyes if possible.

I really want to get next bumps into her over with as simply as possible without being engaging, just simple, clear, sending the message I am glad she is ok.

Part of me worries what she thinks I will think and it could cause her to want to pump me for info about things.  I worry she may try to pump me to find out if I told others we know. (i have not) i want my behavior to demo that I am not into drama, just into simple, clear, ensuring she is ok, nothing more.

HEY SUNFLOWER:   

I'm glad to hear the your neighbor came home to her teenage daughter.  It must have been a very troubling experience for you.  I'm glad you plan to discuss it with your therapist. How old is the teenager?

You could call the non-emergency phone number to you local police dept and discuss the police protocol for the specific situation.  Three things come into play, the age of the teenager, the time left alone and the specifics of the threat of suicide.

From what I've read from a little online research, there is a tendency to take issue with a minor being home alone, if the minor is under 13.  Then, it is common for there to be language as to an "unreasonable length of time".  What is "unreasonable" is open to interpretation.

Another thing I read about is that with suicide calls that don't involve a specific plan, some police agencies don't even fill out a report. I'm thinking that since the mother was not at home when the police responded, and the daughter was not young enough to enforce any specific laws regarding her being home alone, there was nothing they could do.  The response may have just been categorized as a welfare check. There would have likely had to be more details for the police other than mom said she was going to kill herself and then left. 

I'm thinking it would be worth while to have a conversation with your local police and find out what local laws relate to the situation.  Have you thought about placing a call to your local agency for child protection? You could do it anonymously.  The mom might just think their investigation was as a result of her daughter calling the police.  Perhaps the police have already made a report to child protective services? Either way, it might be the right thing for you to do.  If the police made a report and you made a report, that would prompt a greater response.

I'm thinking that if the mom was home, when the police responded, that there might have been a totally different response to the situation.  Then, again, it would all be contingent on what the mom said to the police during an interview.

It could be advantageous if Child Protective Services investigates.  Perhaps it might prompt the mom to get a psychological evaluation and services.  Hopefully, the family member that the teen was in touch with, will take some action, as well.