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I am now familiar with the 10 false beliefs of getting out of an unhealthy relationship with my borderline.  My rational mind says amen and some nights my heart longs for the good old days before our relationship completely eroded.  i wouldn't go back to her yet i really miss her.  Feeling lonely tonight.

I know exactly what you are feeling tonight as your heart battles your rational mind. A week ago, I came home from work to discover my H packed and left. I have not heard from him since. I recently read the same article and although it shed a bright light on the reality of our relationship, I still feel that same as you where I just miss him. The simplest things of a relationship I feel are the hardness to let go of.

Welcome Bruce. 

It's a shame that you've had to seek out this family, but I hope that it proves to be a blessing that you did.

Since you've posted on the "saving" board, does that mean that you want to figure out a way to salvage the relationship (r/s)?

I still feel the same from time to time, 6 weeks on from our breakup.

I find that I miss her companionship and all the little things about the relationship that made me happy. I find that doing the activities that we always used to do together triggers feelings about her and I start to miss her dearly.

I still have moments when I ask myself if it was really worth breaking up with her, and that I should have just turned a blind eye to the negatives because the positives were so so good.

Is being in no relationship really better than being in an abusive one? I'm not too sure. It doesn't feel like it.

No relationship is better than an abusive one.

I can relate to everything that you said though asphyx. I went through the same things. Even going to the grocery store made me miss my x to the point of tears.

Turning a blind eye is not the only option. That does you a disservice anyway and should be avoided. If you can see abuse as a constant and predictable future, then moving on seems to be best. You can then meet someone with those positive traits that you want without the negatives.

Hi brucep47304,

*welcome*

I'm sorry to hear that. I read the C<||| 10 myths (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=136462.msg1331264#msg1331264) when I felt triggered and found that they re-centered me. The articles helped surviving the break-up and sharing with members that were going through the same experience here. I'm glad that you decided to join us. How long was your r/s? Do you have kids together? How supportive are family and friends through this difficult period? It helps to talk.

Well you are human, moving in the right direction.
The truth is that it is not the same path for the BPD who most likely will remain trapped in their roller coaster life.

Yes I miss my "Bass Lake" stbxBPDw. I am referring to a picture taken of us together while camping, her with her head on my back looking so very pretty and me looking forward typifies our life. I provided security and stability for her as I see this photo depicting she resting her head on my back as contentment.

The Great Recession brought an end to my high salary, losing my rental properties and losing our 4th daughter who died after 25 months to heart disease. The 8 year marriage "honeymoon" came to an end and then came the devaluation, discard and now apparently the replacement is on deck.

I miss those early years as they were the best I ever had but unfortunately now things are completely different. Now as I see her recent photos, and I am not talking about the 4 mug shots on the Internet, but in the new ones she looks "hardened".

So go ahead feel the hurt of missing her, go ahead cry, have those toxins leave your body the only way they can exit - your tear ducts. But maybe someday you will cry and celebrate that you are a decent human being who can feel compassion for another person where the BPD cannot. Maybe then you will look forward to finding someone who shares in you being a total human being.

MrsTrigger, mine packed and left twice.  I went looking for her and found her and she came back.  One time, that night and another time the next day.  Similar stories.  Whether mine has BPD or not, I know she's got issues.  The more similar stories I hear on this board, the more I know I shouldn't have gotten blamed for her issues. 

I find myself cycling through 3 emotions/states throughout the day.

1. anger
2. depression (missing her)
3. headache/numbness

I bought a tent and sleeping in it in the backyard instead of inside the house.  Sleeping in the tent sort of helps.

Tring can I ask, are you in therapy? I agree about the house, I'm about to move out of it and everyone is excited for me, but I think I'll cry when I finally leave it for the last time. It's the last place I had happy memories with my ex and I'll never see it again.

 C<||| MrsTrigger   

Hey there, listen I feel your pain. My ex was gone when I came home from work. That was two years ago and I finally found them and got custody of my baby she ran away with. These people don't have a heart. Trust me, you will be happy he left soon. Work thru your pain. No NORMAL PEOPLE disappear on you without saying anything.

for me taking care of my ex put me in a happy place but i am a Major co dependent

i thought i was helping her, this allowed me to avoid my issues and i survived.

now i am facing my issues and becoming less codependant

last night i got something i wanted and i felt so guilty 

but it was good for me and i will discuss and thank the person that gave it to me 

its a road and a process  |iiii