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i dont love or care about her anymore

i am angry and i hate her with a venom!

i now know what she was doing and the lies and pain she inflicted on me has left permanent medical damage

she has estranged me from my daughter this was a boundary that i had that was very important to me

i will never forgive her or have contact!

this chapter of my life will be obliterated, her suffering will be compounded by seeing my happiness form afar

i know this will send her in a downward spiral but i dont care.

i have stopped care taking and just looking at protecting myself and my daughter

she used me to remove her pain and i suffered. i owe her nothing else!

i will not keep things hidden to protect her i will do what is best for me!

I matter, a major for someone that was so co dependent  :)

Well married21years, I can relate to a lot of what you say. It was 30+ yrs. for me wit a HFw .

An exw saying: ‘I will destroy everything what is precious to you, incl. your relationship with the kids!’.
And more than once that woman said so.

Indeed shortly after I became the rejected parent, since several yrs. now totally estranged from D at that time 19yrs old, with whom I had a great bond.
Result after several yrs. now S in fact too. A S who choose to stay with me, who I dragged trough this devastating  experience, motivated as much as I could to finish his study, for whom I paid everything in these years.
Who’s  ‘mom’ didn’t even attend 2times (really, 2 times) at his graduation.
A S who increasingly lied to me, who told ‘mom’ about my situation, who rejected more and more activities that he even invited me for (It didn’t suit his ‘plans’ became the excuse… )

Honestly, I wasn’t silent, I confronted S with it, I tried (as when he was a 4-6 yr. old) to explain, to let him see matters with a clear view as in other situations.
Seems that all I did was counterproductive.  
Yes, He suffers deeply (still), few months postponing to decide, didn’t want to move his belongings, etc.
But the FOG towards ‘mom’ is THE chain that ties.

Anyway, S lives with him ‘mom’ too now. Together with ‘moms’ mr Onslow-type (UK TV- character) of a 65-70 yrs old. One of whom S once said:
‘What do you think! I am ashamed for ‘mom’ with such an old and poor looking guy! Do you know how that feels?’
  Understandable with such a ‘mom’, but it all hurts. (read: Understanding the Borderline mother)

Btw: the bloke is from the UK, imagine exw EU mainland, different languages… how deeply conversations can be…

Kids can’t compete with these personalities as a parent, they loose, they are afraid, they unconsciously are used as soother to stabilize that parent, not being that trigger, etc.
Long before all break ups with Cluster B’s there was parentification involved.  :)evastating !  
Have a look at the blog of Dr. Craig Childress  
https://drcraigchildressblog.com/2015/03/06/understanding-the-childs-experience/?iframe=true&preview=true
and go to “Guilt”    


My family and my vow meant most to me and at my age one look back at ones accomplishments (even together with exw, how bitter that taste now) mortgage paid, all finances secured for that retirement date.
Even (again I taste some bitterness…) getting time for each other again as kids become independent.
Just simple grow old together, helping kids, being one day Grandparents and having that ‘boring’ simple Sunday

Gone, married21years, gone as in your case. I relate and feel you.  

As I have contact with some of her ‘intimae’ (well normal isn’t it when one knows each other for more that 3 decades) matters come out that astonish me (not surprisingly however, just saying history will repeat…), also they are receptive as they are now able to link a lot of the FOO.

thank you i can relate so much 

i am fighting the good fight and the truth will out

i am moving on 

Hang in there but watch your back! 
The divorcing proves will be nasty as you are blamed for their situation (as I was although it was her that broke up and left ‘temprarily’…). 

In order to punish you even the kids are used (in fact punishing them => therefore kids avoid upheaval and please ‘mom’).

oh yeah i know

her whole family is on my side and wants me to divorce her and move on

ironic ha

Well exws family was on her side as they were her outlet for yrs.

However exw never ever mentioned that she was the one that broke up in several extinction bursts (not going for a Sunday walk with her was a justification to break up… )

As told, intimae now relate to some behaviour of exw…  In time, all in time   

well her whole family are supporting me, they see the lies and have intervened to help me escape her clutches 

they have been great

Well seems we are a little joyful… about our accomplishments.    :)
   For me there is a little Schandenfreude involved to, but I feel entitled to it. lol

Anyway laughing is healthy isn’t it

now i have stopped worrying about her i can worry about me

schadenfreude does feel good though lol

she is the architect of her own destiny now i can just look on and see my predictions coming to fruition

and see he new victim that has mistreated me be abused 

Amazing, meeting a predictor too!  Finally!

Yup! The total affair down, the façade, the closeness that she will never experience again, the superficial bonding, new circle ‘friends’, exposed by the old.  All mutual friends being my friends now, etc.
Sadly, I must say also predicted the estrangement from D. Overwhelmed however regarding to S.

According to Socrates we did well   lol

By all means, marry.
If you get a good wife, you'll become happy;
if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

thanks i may steal that

wonderful meeting a like mind  |iiii