BPDFamily.com

My mutual friend informed me that my exBPD has found an official replacement and is 'engaged' to him on Facebook. I remember she did the same thing when we first started going out, so I doubt she actually is getting engaged.

Anyway, I was curious so I asked my friend to send me the picture. It felt very odd to see her with someone else, almost surreal. My ex would constantly tell me how devoted she was to me and that she was 'my girl forever'. Seeing that she has moved on with someone else is painful and just doesn't seem right.

Is it normal to feel like you had "ownership" of your exBPD, and to feel very weird when seeing them with someone else? Or am I just being overly jealous/controlling?

I think it might be the residual feelings of enmeshment. When we are so close to the person in an intimate relationship, I think it's fairly normal to feel weird to see them with someone else. I think the brain is okay with it but the body still feels that "ownership" sensation. Maybe it might help to consider that it may not make a lot of sense to "own" someone, but how is it that we still feel like we do?

I think it's fair to expect that this sensation might be greater for people separating from a relationship with a pwBPD because the ownership, enmeshment, or mutual control may be much higher than a "normal" relationship.

I agree with gotbushels and I think that they made up feel that we were the love of their lives and no one would ever replace us... .so then to see it, feels like a lie. Thing is, when he and I got together, Facebook was just starting... .we didn't have a whole lot of the love-bombing stuff on Facebook at that time. We posted stuff later after we were married awhile. Mostly about vacations. It was the same... .I know we were having a miserable time, yet by the pictures, you would think it was great! So to me, seeing all of that now is really weird. It has been since the beginning of June since there have been any new picture as profile or cover pictures. Not that they haven't been on there... .I think it is weird to have a baby and not be putting up new profile and cover photos all the time. Plus, his is in black and white and I all I ever heard from him is how he hated black and white photos or movies.  Its all weird! It is hard not to look, you just keep waiting for the train to crash again. We don't own them, but they were a big part of our lives. We felt like we had to take care of them and then they go off and live like "adults"... .we just don't see what is going on behind the curtain... .(Wizard of OZ). I think we know, but we are letting facebook get the best of us and we need to remember what we went through. It does not change. Just the characters... .