BPDFamily.com

Its been three years since my uBPDh and I broke up.  I managed to negotiate an amicable split with him despite our physically violent and emotionally abusive marriage.  I think that he is reasonably mild BPD because once separated he became very self aware, got help, responded well to boundaries etc.  I was really proud of myself because I learned the tools / had rock solid boundaries etc.  We got into a groove of good parenting etc.  All was reasonably good in my world.  We were separated but never legally divorced.

Early this year, I got an amazing job offer in our country of origin (we had been living in another country for 6 years).  I spoke to him about it and we jointly agreed to move home at the same time.  Things were going so well that I thought it was time to give him a second chance.  We have a 4 year old together... .I was tired of shuttling him back and forth... .and was feeling nostalgic.  We moved back in together... .not into the same rooms, but the same house. 

Fast forward 4 months... .no physical violence, but we are ESCALATING quickly.  My boundaries are still pretty good, but he is pushing the envelope.  Just before the end of June, I found a lawyer and sought proactive legal advice (basically how to protect myself financially). 

I am joking with my friend "move back in with my mentally ill ex husband... .what could possibly go wrong?"  and "most people get to go through the pain of a divorce once (at least with one person)... .I am such a masochist that I get to do it twice!"

Positives:  I am a much stronger happier person.  I do actually know how to protect myself legally. I know that its not me now.  Last time I was backed so far into a corner that I had no choice but leave... .now I can decide to make a healthy choice to leave rather than a survival choice to leave.
Negatives:  Holy moly I hate this roller coaster... .did I mention that I hate the roller coaster?

Tonight he basically said that if I don't leave the country (with our son) that he is going to frame me for a drug related crime.  I have never touched drugs but that threat scared the hell out of me.  I called two friends who are police officers to consult them.  Consensus is "empty threats designed to control me."  Divorce him.

So here I go again.  Wondering how - after being free and clear I ended up giving him a second chance. 

Some part of me is glad I did.  The other part cannot wait to be living in peace and quiet again (I mean other than the 4 yr old who talks non-stop!).

There is one part levity and one part "What the heck Allibaba what were you thinking" in this post btw :)

Sharing my experience in case anyone gets nostalgic!

Alibaba,  I remember you from when I first started here. 
 You being seperated then getting back together is a close parallel to recycling in a long marriage. 27 yrs and I think of the times I wanted, needed to leave , soaked up the blame and gave him chance again and again. 
If I was you MHO, I'd file for divorce , after you have another place to stay and bank accounts are seperated. The same planing as the first time around .  Don't turn back emotionally
( divorce not seperate) and after his threat of ... if you , and son , don't leave the country... .don't feel you have to make him be a part of his son's life.  If he chooses not to , in the long run it would simplify the whole custody matter in court.
I like your term, "survival choice to leave" . I will use that if I'm asked again as to why I left a long marriage .  Saying , xh had a lot issues brought on more questions and I couldn't begin to put the cluster PDs  in a sentence.