BPDFamily.com

So recently my BPD ex got back into touch after 6 month. We had a messy ending with a lot of fighting and drama.

In the 6 months I have done a lot of working on myself and as seems to be the case with these things she reached out when I least expected it.

I'd managed to work through a lot of my issues and realized my part in things which I was far from blameless.

So after a few days of texts she wanted to meet so we went for dinner which was actually really good. I went with no agenda other than to have a good time and catch up and the evening was a fun one.

I am not 100% sure what's possible but I've gone from painted black to her asking to see me and opening up and having fun with me for the first time since I was initially painted black over 2 years ago.

I feel the difference was not having sneaky ulterior motives and just going out to have a nice time.

Anyone have any ideas what to expect next?

 

What you have described is what id love to happen to me. What would you like to happen next? Has she done any work on self or did you not broach that type of topic?

Uh oh, I worry for you infern0! I think it's the pattern you know so well (and that you taught me about!): she must be in between relationships, you are doing well and are "the guy she fell for" and then some with all the work you've been doing... .she's pulling now, and being her charming self-- the woman you fell for. Do you feel a draw to her?

Not sure at this stage what I want to happen next, as I say I've been working on myself which has been great and I'm much happier and at peace. However i am not finished by any stretch, just improved. This concerns me as if things were to progress I'm not sure how grounded I'm able to be if it gets intense.

She has been doing therapy although I didn't linger on it as wanted to be a fun vibe not talking about our issues. I did notice some change but also she showed some signs of the old instability.  I don't expect her to be perfect after 6 months... .I'm not.


I'm concerned myself, obviously yeah I felt a draw the chemistry is still there, however I'm choosing not to victimize myself, it was my choice to accept contact and my choice to agree to meet. I don't know her personal circumstances or her "agenda" so I'm not going to assume anything other than just being in touch and catching up.

A lot of the pain the first time was me assuming and having expectations and her not living up to them, no expectations and keeping mindful makes a lot more sense than falling into the hapless codependent chaser role again.