BPDFamily.com

Last night I read a good article called going stover. I read so many posts on LC, NC and the struggles we have getting to the LC or NC stage in our recovery. My own personal feeling is true detachment and recovery can't happen until we achieve LC or NC. It's like the first step in a 12 step program. The steps of recovery are there for a reason, you follow those 12 steps, starting with the first step. Yes we make mistakes we slip up but when we grasp the program we start to have true content recovery and it must start with the first step. In recovering from npd/BPD r/s, I've heard it said many times, we must start with NC or LC and move through the pain from there. I addiction recovery some people never get it, they can't grasp on to the simple concept. If you don't pick up that first drink you can't get drunk, it's not the 4th drink or 5th drink. If you don't engage the npd/BPD ex partner, you can't get hurt anymore. We have hurt from the past to work through and as long as we engage we can't move forward. That's what I found interesting about stover, " so totally over". Stover.

I like that "stover"

Mine is definitely sfover :) but the challenge for me is managing the relationship post divorce for the good of my children. I do so by keeping it arms length and no emotional responses. I don't react to it and it gets easier over time.

HI Moselle, I'm in the same boat, I share a son with my ex emotional abuser. She is such an emotional vampire I really don't want any kind of contact. The only time she engages me is to say something belittling or ignorant. If it was an emergency with s9, I would be the last one told so she could make it look like I'm not there for my son. In her twisted sick mind she would manuplate a situation that I would be the last to know, so she could turn around and say, see your not there for s9 so why call you. In my case, I feel I am dealing with a cruel, devious, sneaky, emotional abuser that is on a whole level of evil on its own. Our 90 year old priest, my therapest who worked in the prison system for 15 years, both said more than once that they never heard anything like what I've told them. She's a bottomless pit of dirt and ignorance. She's a very sneaky covert mental and emotional abuser whose toxic poison leeches slowly into your system to destroy you and if your split black she does it with no remorse only pure pleasure of hurting. If I don't respond I don't get her poison, I have s9 enough now that I can protect him. Teach him different. Court is coming up and my journal is full of her devious acts.