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Title: She's dropping the restraining order why? Post by: 617788 on August 06, 2016, 06:46:16 PM Hey guys I've posted in here a few times while I was going through the turmoil my ex has put me through we were together for almost 8 years and have 3 children together she is diagnosed BPD untreated of course. She decided she was no longer happy and loved me but wasn't in love and wanted freedom about 2 months ago but agreed to counseling. Just days after we split she was on an online dating site and partying and going to bars this is all influenced by her cousins she mirrors them when she has her spouts. While I was away at work for 10 days she filed a restraining order against me for no reason at all stating she was scared for her life so I didn't fight it I just agreed to the no contact because I thought it would be easier for me to move on in life because I've had it with her once and for all she's done this before but never filed a restraining order on me. I have the kids 50% of the time which is great. Today I was informed by my family that she is dropping the restraining order Monday this is out of the blue and I am shocked but I must say I don't want her back I'm moving on and feeling great even went on a date. My question is why would she drop the restraining order all of a sudden can someone give me some insight? This makes no sense to me.
Title: Re: She's dropping the restraining order why? Post by: fromheeltoheal on August 06, 2016, 07:17:18 PM Hi 61-
I don't know if you experienced push/pull behavior during your time with her, but that's a borderline managing the conflicting fears of abandonment and engulfment: get too far away emotionally, she'll pull you back, get too close, push you away. If she's feeling abandoned, for whatever reason, she may feel the urge to pull you back, and dropping a restraining order might be motivated by that, I'm purely guessing but that's standard borderline. It's great you have the kids half the time and went on a date. What are you going to do about her recent actions, if anything? Title: Re: She's dropping the restraining order why? Post by: 617788 on August 06, 2016, 08:41:56 PM Well her behavior is so up and down its unreal for 2 months I was this monster her and her family painted me as and before when we were on good terms she hated them all. I was the person she never wanted to speak to again now all of a sudden I find out she's opening the door for communication when I've finally started to move on. It's almost as if she can tell I'm doing well and moving on now she's worried she has lost me for good. In reality she has lost me for good she's crossed the line with the restraining order I feel so betrayed. How could you do such a thing to someone you cared about. And as for what I'm going to do there's not much I can do but I certainly don't plan on making contact with her weather she wants it or not I don't need any set backs at this point.
Title: Re: She's dropping the restraining order why? Post by: tryingsome on August 06, 2016, 10:14:00 PM She is returning to baseline.
I dont think it has to do with push/pull but rather returning to a normalized state where she is aware of the over-reaction. She was 'surviving' her feelings when she filed the restraining order; the best way she could. When hey are in dysrgulation nothing makes sense for them just the pain which they want to be rid of. the part moving forward is this will not get better on its own. it might for a time but at this point you are likely to 'cause' (though indifectly) these bad feelings and shame. the disorder is one where they can't self soothe. Good luck |