BPDFamily.com

I separated from spouse. Bottom line: events had gotten out of hand and I became extremely fearful of him as well as exhausted from dealing with it. The first week of separation he attempted all kinds of ploys to win me back to no avail. The last contact with him, he actually sounded contrite and stated explicitly he would do anything, wait however long, etc. for me. Then I hear nothing and find out he went to an attorney and filed for divorce, not only blind-sighting me, but signing the petition less than a week after his "wait for you forever" spiel and less than two weeks of being separated. We have had no contact but through attorney. He plays games, as you all can probably relate to. He had threatened to divorce me, leave me, quit his job--you all know the drill, but never followed through our entire marriage. I have tried to hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

Here lies the deal: so far I have been really lucky, no drama, which is unusual for him. He has been fair in the divorce (I suspect it's because he thinks he is guilting me, but who knows). I have an underlying feeling/intuition that he is going to do or try to do something TOTALLY unexpected.

My question to anyone after a long-term relationship or marriage is: what was the biggest surprise or stunt pulled on you? I just want to be prepared for whatever comes my way.

Calling the police with false allegations .If you were split black, be prepared for the unexpected.

Death threats, false allegations to the police, threats re kids, litigation +++, abuse +++, character assassination, assaults, having me arrested (no charges), false allegations about me to my employer, taking almost everything from our house... .and on more than one occasion, asking to come back.  

The first time we separated it became the fastest separation of things I have ever seen! Phone bills, cars, names on things... .everything! He was trying to do it as fast as possible... .I suppose to upset me. Hard to say. We ended up back together. We separated 3 times before the last time and ended up divorced.  I learned to be the faster one this last go round. Get yourself together quickly to prepare for the storm.

Mine was my ex's sister telling me how I apparently forced my ex into a relationship with me. So, all this time... .the entire family was apparently dysfunctional just as she is, but I chose to overlook the red flags.

Other than that, pregnancy scare. Still no proof because she doesn't want to see me. She claims she's pregnant and is ill, etc. and it's all my fault.

Yup.

Even with everything filed there needs to be a court appearance. Expect the proceedings to get very far and detailed into the process, and then expect him to suddenly start to do absolutely nothing so that you are stuck in limbo waiting for him to complete the next step. It'll come at a point in the proceedings that leaves you in the worst position and waiting on him to make the next move. Then expect the controlling behavior to start. The "I won't sign that unless you talk to me on the phone first" kind of stuff.

If it does go smoothly the whole way through to the end then either he is hiding a large sum of money or he's met a replacement and wants to move on very quickly. High conflict people don't show their best side when they are triggered and divorce is highly triggering. And I know exactly what you mean by things being too quiet. My DH's BPDex gets super quiet and easy when she has a plan in place to make things difficult. The kind of difficult that will eventually leave us scrambling to pick up the pieces while she stands there smirking.