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As you all may know have been nc with d.  Other day I recv a text from her saying she had just gotten 3 texts from people sayhing "Sorry about your moms passing" She was texting to see if I was still alive I told her no I am alive and well and then she text back   "Good for You"  that was it    Wow I thought maybe she would want to start a relationship again with me knowing I was alive but nope  that was it AHHHHHHH

 mggt,

Glad to hear the story of your demise has been greatly exaggerated!  :)

In a way that text was like some kind of hit and run.   It seems to me your daughter was just checking... .is mom still out there? Does mom still care? Is she still willing to talk to me?... .:check: then right back to her status quo.

That can't be easy for you to go through but I think is shows that part of her does care about you and even though she is not in contact with you she likes knowing you are there and that you care about her.  In spite of her current behavior and your current relationship.

Good for you to keep the door open.

Panda39

This behaviour always reminds me of a child that has been told off and ran off to their room. They sneak out to check on you and guage your mood then run back in. After a while they get the courage to either try being in your presence without dealing with what has happened or apologise for what they did. With BPD it very rarely is the second one. Both my exs acted as if nothing had happened which Im willing to bet is what your daughter will do. My ex wife cut her mum off three times for years in one case for perceived wrong doing by her mum. Every time she reconnected she would avoid the issue to the point she would say I dont want to talk about it. Thats in the past.

If you want to restart the relationship then I would suggest reaching out in a small way and avoid what it was that started the conflict.

I have tried many times to reach out to her all to fail not sure if I believe she got those texts or not .  She lies so easily , very sad I was told not to contact her ever again and that is putting it mildly on what she told me so for now I will sit and wait and hopefully things will change she only lives 10 minutes away and I want to see mu gc so much it hurts

Indeed, a strange text!  Hmmmmmm?

Yes, yes, yes!... .it hurts not to have contact with that little gc... .the absolute worst part of this estrangement.  Sadly, your d is in control and contact will happen when she wants it to happen.  (GRRRRR!)

So... .she has your cell number and you have hers.  Perhaps just an "I love you" (period!)... .every now and then... .then work to get on with the rest of your life.  Don't play the part of victim because you will play into her hand.

"Love" and "like" are two different emotions.  You can love but not like.  Most of the time I don't like my d... .but will always love her.

Keep on the high road, Mggt!  That is your best defence.

Thank you Haut I have sent I love you threw text couple of times but she always responds with some awful remark , I am just going to wait it out for now and try to keep my mind busy and off of her . You are correct right now I dont like her actually this feeling of dislike towards her has been around for a long time .  I will always deeply love her but... .this has really taken a toll on me and my h . Right now just not sure of anything to be honest I am very upset at her still and that feeling has not gone away so it is probably best we are in nc .

A quiet period is something you may just need.  I remember one day, after the tears had dried, I then started to listen to the quietness and the good feeling it was not to be caught up in constant drama.   Phewwww!

You've tried everything you can think of doing to help bridge the gap and nothing seems to be working.  Time to back off and let her make the moves?   If you keep your responses loving, it might just shift her axis.  You can only change yourself and that might make a change in her.

Deep breaths, Mggt, deep breaths!  Life can be good again... .if you let it.   ; )

Thank you Huat,  I hope things with your d are going well