BPDFamily.com

I mainly feel tired, I would really need a break from this thing.
I would give a lot to push a button and stop thinking about her.

I thought I got out, I managed NC for few month, Stopped hearing her imaginary voice whispers to me or to my replacement from every female voice around my hearing distance, Stopped unblocking her for few minutes just to check if she is Online 150 a day, I even met a nice girl that really looked nice and promising and then I just saw her.

In her flaming graceful flesh

Sitting In her car going back from work, and then she saw me and smiled from embarrassment and then.I waved for hello and from that moment on we are back to day one.

No I haven't contacted her right after that to start a new impossible mission episode but the Obsessions took over my reality and as note, I feel wasted.

Why me, as a pro Surviving  Organism would madly obsess over r/s that I know for sure would rise only to crash and burn with a louder bang  every time  

Why my brain doesn't hide her from my mind and instead makes me look for her in every waken moment.

It's clearly a bug and from the stories I read in this great Forum The cure nor the vaccine available yet.  



  

Oh man, I hear you! One day good the next day bad for me over here... .if they had a pill I totally would take it... .

Yes, some have likened it to an addiction and it's certainly as powerful. You were doing ok, and then you saw her, and then you felt like you were back at the start.

We've all had that feeling of totally relapsing and that the intervening time has been for nothing. But it hasn't.

There is a cure, Sinister, and the cure then becomes the vaccine.

The cure is to grieve fully, understand what the relationship meant to you, why you wanted it, what need it filled, learn that in a deep way, keep re-learning it every day for a while and, gradually, the attachment lessens its grip on you.

If you work at it, here with us, and for yourself, you WILL notice a result and that will help you to move forward and be free and healthier. I know it doesn't feel that way right now, but as much as we all may have wished for a pill to just make the whole thing go away, it's endlessly more empowering to realise that you produce pretty much all the chemicals you need to process this all by yourself.

Have you thought about some of the stuff that you liked and didn't like about the relationship? What are the things?

Thank you VitaminC well put.

TS I can relate. So badly did I want the idealization stage back I threw all dignity and self respect out the window by trying to bring to life a dead marriage for me and the sake of my children. Each time I tried reconciling I was physically punched, kicked and or things throw at my face or head. She could have killed us while attacking me while I was driving all of us on the expressway.

I was addicted. But I did what VitaminC posted. I started spending more time and energy away from her. I faced the facts that she wasn't thinking of me of any other way except in black, with projections and plotting more to destroy me.

I finally started getting mental clarity, became less anxious and started healing. I became determined to finish out this divorce and get on with my new life.