BPDFamily.com

Our granddaughter has lived with us for 5 years,with back & forth times with her mother. I had joint custody of our grandchild with her mother, father & myself. This ended on Sunday, as she became 19, the legal age of an adult here.
On Fri she took an overdose of anti-depressives & a full 26oz of her father's booze. She had moved into an apartment with him on July 15th, so she could start college in Vancouver. She was having difficulty handling her emotions with these changes but I was, & have been, her verbal support & I had encouraged her to talk to her GP about taking an anti-depressive for her ongoing lack of being able sleep & her worsening of depression. Because of her history of 3 attempts to deal with her BPD, we discussed her talking to the mental health crisis phone-line if she felt her depression was becoming more overwhelming.
Within 2 days, her mother sent me a text from her daughter saying "Please come & get me, I've taken a handful of pills".  She would not pick up her phone, or respond to a text & her dad's phone had run out of power, I called the ambulance & police to knock down the apartment door if necessary. It was.
I get to the hospital where she was admitted for 24hrs & she is still "under the influence" by giggling but otherwise appeared cohesive & appearing to be enjoying the attention from "Mommy" who is calling her "baby-girl" & "my stinky bum". My granddaughter proceeds to tell us "It's all my dad's fault. I can't live in that apartment- I have to come back home, Mommy"
I'm perfectly aware that suicide attempts are or can be part of her BPD behaviour but I'm having anger & extreme disappointment that, once again she is going to get her way. The previous time she was demanding to come to live with me!
It's hard to tell if this is her way of manipulating us or if it is part of her disease? Her first text to after her admission to hospital to me was to ask for money so her boyfriend can visit from New York!
She often cancels her counseling appointments & refuses to see a psychologist if it isn't a white female who doesn't put much "homework" onto her! She only attends college 2 days per week!
I live in a small town where therapists are few & far between. Any suggestions would be surely appreciated. HELP, PLZ

Hi Geema and welcome to bpdfamily,  I'm glad you found us and sorry what brings you are here.

I understand your anger and extreme disappointment - here we go again... . You gave all the right advice Geema, see GP - gain medication, contact the crisis team to establish a crisis plan. Unfortunately she was unable to see it through, this time. My 27yr daughter went through similar last few months and through doing exactly what you suggested went on antidepressants (feels so much better!) saw the crisis team three times within one week - she has been able to manage her way through, she is still wobbling ... .She lives at home and I believe this provides her the stability to work on getting well through DBT, our agreement is she focuses on getting well, I validate her no 1 priority and am learning the skills from the tools, lessons and resources here to lead by example. Manipulation or disease? I see my daughter has a disease ... .many see and feel the manipulation.

Sounds like your GD is in DBT? What's Mommy's role, am I right she passed responsibility to you to call the emergency services and how does she feel about her daughter's BPD and behaviour?

This is a great community and everyone is very kind and supportive.   You are not alone.

You sound well versed in BPD Geema? We look forward to getting to know you and walking forwards with you.

WDx

Hello Geema,

Welcome to the Parenting Board!

I'm sorry to hear that your gd19 is not adjusting well to all the changes in her life.  What is normally viewed as exciting events can be so overwhelming for pwBPD (people with BPD).  My daughter is 19 and she gets soo stressed and anxious that she can become paralyzed and very negative about things sometimes. 

My d19 needs lots of support even though we are not living under the same roof.  I am her accountability partner, her friend, her mom, and her biggest fan.  It sounds like you love your gd19 a lot and have hopes for her to get better and live a full and happy life. 

Do you think her moving back with her mom is a wise option?  What is her relationship with her mom like?  What is your relationship with your gd19 like?  I can see why you would feel angry and somewhat manipulated.  For pwBPD, they will act impulsively to get their needs met... .poor choices are usually part of that.  Whatever the need is in the moment... .it is the be all and end all!  It is overpowering and urgent for our children/adult children.  I have learned to put off making decisions about these urgent needs... .just creating some space in time can help alleviate the urgent feelings that my d19 experiences.  When she is not feeling such urgency we are better able to look at things objectively and make wiser choices together and individually.

lbj

My heart goes out to you and your family.  I know all too well how difficult these crises can be.  Did the hospital discharge her?  After multiple attempts, she should be retained for stabilization, ie medication modification (if she's on any), therapy plan, outpatient options, or possibly residential placement if all else has failed. 

Obviously her dad isn't a great influence if he keeps liquor within her access.  Your GD is very lucky to have you as part of her support system. 

Take a look at some of the lessons and tools to the right they are very helpful and have provided me and my family with some important lessons on communication, setting boundaries, etc.