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Title: Adult daughter had another blow out. Feel we are loosing her for longer this tim Post by: Birdey on August 13, 2016, 01:10:08 PM I have just found this site. We have a 26 single daughter who is undiagnosed but we think fits BPD. She will not seek any help. She does not live with us but near by in same city. We want so bad to have a close family and try to spend time together at all long weekends and all family holidays. I as Mom noticed changes in my daughter right at 13. Her moods changed. She has been depressed and anxiety ridden, but bounces back. She is brilliant and very beautiful and capable. she is a university graduate with a good career. She has always blamed me, for everything, but has definitely lashed out at her Dad second most and younger adult sister of 23 third. They are definitely not close and my youngest who lives at home blames us for all of this. She harbours resentment regarding her sister's bullying in the teen years which I was not effective in stopping. My eldest has seen 5 psychologists and one psychiatrist from aged 13-21 when she left. She would brilliantly manipulate them and change her behaviour and out smart all of them with the exception of the psychiatrist who immediately said after her assessment her symptoms did not appear to be teen aged stress. Rather possible Bipolar but it was too soon to tell. My daughter refused all treatment after that. One other time a psychologist got close enough to seeing the issues, she quit going. We love her, I miss her and she recently had a big blow up. She has a new man in her life whom we all like so far. He seems to love her and treat her very well , unlike last boyfriend who lasted three years and he was sometimes cruel to her making things worse for her shattered self esteem. How do we welcome her, make her feel important and loved. She rejects all attempts and close conversations and will never ever speak of anything remotely personal. This last battle was after living with her at the cottage successfully for a week. We are so sad, have been crying all night and feel spent. Help us
Title: Re: Adult daughter had another blow out. Feel we are loosing her for longer this tim Post by: galaxy on August 13, 2016, 02:57:40 PM Birdey,
I've found this site several months ago and it has been an immense help. Be sure to read the posts from other parents who are living in the same pain as you are. It is helpful to discover that so many others are dealing with this disorder. Our son is 43, he's married and has a young daughter. Our relationship has been difficult and fragile since he was 13. Then, after 2 years not seeing them (they live in another country), he was angry and refused to do anything with us. None of us knew why and he wouldn't discuss it. Then, several weeks later, he emailed us that it was the last time any of us would hear from him. It's been more than a year now with no contact. Of course, the effect this has had on us has been devastating. Then, I found this site and - to my surprise - many others are dealing with this same heart breaking problem. I have learned that cutting off contact is often a result of this disorder. He does well at work and with his wife and daughter as well as his in-laws but not his parents. There are many books written on BPD and they are helpful. You can find lists of recommended reading on this site. So, do take advantage of the help available. Talking about this and asking questions is a good stress release. It has helped me. Above all, know that you aren't alone. Take care. Galaxy Title: Re: Adult daughter had another blow out. Feel we are loosing her for longer this tim Post by: Mutt on August 14, 2016, 01:26:34 PM Hi Birdey,
*welcome* I'd like to join C<||| galaxy and welcome you. I'm so sorry that you're familu is having a hard time. It helps to talk to people that can relate with you and you don't have to go through this alone. Excerpt How do we welcome her, make her feel important and loved. She rejects all attempts and close conversations and will never ever speak of anything remotely personal. A pwBPD feel more negative feelings that positive ones, are hyper-critical about themselves, often there's an underlying clinical depressing, have low self esteem and low self worth. A pwBPD need a lot of validation, I find that validation helps with communicating with my ex wife that is undiagnosed and displays traits of BPD. Encouraging Peace in a BPD Family - Alan Fruzzetti, Ph.D [Video] (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=206132.0) A pwBPD have a hard time seeing people and the world as integrated whole with good and bad qualities, good people have bad qualities and bad people have good qualities, and see people as either "all good" or "all bad". It helps to not take the behavior personally to weather the storm, it's not personal to us, it's something that a BPD sufferer is going through at the time. |