BPDFamily.com

I guess this would be easier for them to do in same sex relationships like my ex and new girlfriend but I am wondering if the mirroring is this bad for anyone else.
For example, my ex now puts "weird' I don't know how to describe it, but weird profile pics where as they used to be just her smiling. Or cute ones. Her girlfriend does this too.

When their friends (all the girlfriends friends now. Don't even think she really associates with any of her old friends or own friends)  but now she even types and words her phrases and the types of things she says like the girlfriend.

They just moved in together so I imagine it's going to get even worse.  How long do you think their happy phase will last now that they live together? They've been dating almost a year now and things seem to be going smoothly more so now than at the beginning.

When I see her talk online, it makes it easier to let go of her. She's the girlfriend now. Not the girl I loved. The person she is now isn't someone I'd be attracted to. At all.

Same here. It's amazing how they can so easily self-destruct.

Even if it helps you let go, it must be eerie to watch. We'd like to think there was a real person who loved us, underneath all the erratic behavior, but all we see is them trying on a completely new identity.

It's hard to say how long her and her new gf's "happy phase" will last, or whether they're actually anywhere near as "happy" as it looks on Facebook. I know me and my ex definitely weren't. What would it mean to you if they started having obvious problems? Or if they apparently stayed happy for a long time?

And I think you're right that mirroring is a big problem in same-sex relationships, even without BPD involved... .it's definitely a thing for lesbian couples to start looking the same and always hanging out with friends as a couple. I think in a heterosexual couple it's usually understood that sometimes the guy will go do guy stuff with his friends and vice versa. And at least they don't share clothes (usually  ).

this is probably less about mirroring, and more about enmeshment, idealization, and the natural way in which humans that bond tend to rub off on each other.

having said that, a person with BPD lacks a stable sense of self, so it stands to reason that a pwBPD will more easily be 'rubbed off on', and adopt a persona that is more likely to be acceptable.

mirroring is not in and of itself a bad thing, or a uniquely BPD behavior; our mothers mirroring us as infants is crucial to our development.

more here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=58298.0


so who was she when you were attracted to her? why were you attracted to her?