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Title: How do you deal with the hate when it's really over? Post by: Dontknow88 on August 15, 2016, 01:11:10 PM At first I had hope that he would come around he said things like (I would love for us to get back together, I don't know what happened but I don't love you anymore, I wish I did, I don't know what happened." After that it went extremely downhill, he was mean, pointed out my flaws (that he claimed to once loved) basically degraided me and broke up with me late in pregnancy.
Now my son is almost 7 months old and he's still unstable in his personal life. And you guessed it, he has a new girlfriend. Because he isn't getting any professional help I can't help but thinking "wow he's going to mess her life up too" have you ever been there too? Did he/she actually mess their life too?, did they get help? Well laity he's been saying things that dosent add up and printing pointless drama, he's willing to give me full custody but beating around the bush. When I think over the last of our relationship he's been a complete jerk and almost feel hate for him. I don't want to feel this way. He's not trying to be a dad to the kid we planned for so I think I'll feel better when I cut the pointless drama our. I can't afford to be stressed and have my own sanity to take care off Sorry for my rant. Please tell me how you deal with things ? I have Title: Re: How do you deal with the hate when it's really over? Post by: fromheeltoheal on August 15, 2016, 02:47:34 PM I'm sorry you're going through that Dontknow, it is very painful and confusing. And you are going through it.
There are two things here. One is your emotional detachment from him, which is a process and once you come out the other side life will be awesome again, and there's the parenting of your child. Full custody would make it easier, although obviously he would need to follow through, and there's a Co-parenting board here, where folks who are dealing with what you are can lend good support. Good to post on both for now? Excerpt When I think over the last of our relationship he's been a complete jerk and almost feel hate for him. I don't want to feel this way. You don't necessarily have to feel hatred, but do you ever get angry at him? We can suppress emotions as we try to keep the peace in these relationships, and anger can be your friend right now, part of you taking your power back and detaching. Excerpt I can't afford to be stressed and have my own sanity to take care of Yes you do, and good focus. Take care of you! Title: Re: How do you deal with the hate when it's really over? Post by: Dontknow88 on August 15, 2016, 05:20:31 PM I'm sorry you're going through that Dontknow, it is very painful and confusing. And you are going through it. There are two things here. One is your emotional detachment from him, which is a process and once you come out the other side life will be awesome again, and there's the parenting of your child. Full custody would make it easier, although obviously he would need to follow through, and there's a Co-parenting board here, where folks who are dealing with what you are can lend good support. Good to post on both for now? Excerpt When I think over the last of our relationship he's been a complete jerk and almost feel hate for him. I don't want to feel this way. You don't necessarily have to feel hatred, but do you ever get angry at him? We can suppress emotions as we try to keep the peace in these relationships, and anger can be your friend right now, part of you taking your power back and detaching. Excerpt I can't afford to be stressed and have my own sanity to take care of Yes you do, and good focus. Take care of you! Thank you for your reply. He knows I'm not a fan of him, but I've been trying to keep the peace. Besides crying I didn't get angry with him cause I was pregnant and knew my pregnancy hormones wouldn't help the situation, now that they are finally going down I can think more clairly and have plenty to say but I know that won't help now. I just want to part ways Title: Re: How do you deal with the hate when it's really over? Post by: fromheeltoheal on August 15, 2016, 07:08:22 PM Besides crying I didn't get angry with him cause I was pregnant and knew my pregnancy hormones wouldn't help the situation, now that they are finally going down I can think more clairly and have plenty to say but I know that won't help now. I just want to part ways OK, good plan, and since you've found anger towards him you don't need to express it to him, you can just use it as emotional fuel to do what you need to do to get distance from him. And also, you might try getting mad at yourself, for all of the things putting up with him has cost you, and for the specific reason of using it to break free, like ENOUGH, I'm done with this. Anger works if you're stuck, it can provide the motivation to do what you gotta do. Title: Re: How do you deal with the hate when it's really over? Post by: Dontknow88 on August 15, 2016, 08:43:49 PM Besides crying I didn't get angry with him cause I was pregnant and knew my pregnancy hormones wouldn't help the situation, now that they are finally going down I can think more clairly and have plenty to say but I know that won't help now. I just want to part ways OK, good plan, and since you've found anger towards him you don't need to express it to him, you can just use it as emotional fuel to do what you need to do to get distance from him. And also, you might try getting mad at yourself, for all of the things putting up with him has cost you, and for the specific reason of using it to break free, like ENOUGH, I'm done with this. Anger works if you're stuck, it can provide the motivation to do what you gotta do. Thank you so much for listening and the advice :) I will surly do what I need to ! |