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I feel like I am losing my freaking mind.  Does this ever go away?  I have to hold myself back from reaching out to her.  I am growing so tired of this feeling.  Please just tell me it passes.

Thanks for listening to my whining!

it does. but not over night. fortunately youre in the company of people who understand, some of whom are going through it, some of whom have been through it, and none of whom would consider you to be whining :).

you might have a look at this in the meantime, it explains some of the complex nature of this grief: The Biology and Neuroscience of Breaking Up (https://bpdfamily.com/content/breaking-up)

Your not whining, your in pain and yes it does go away in time, how fast depends on you. You must go through the pain not around it and it starts with no contact. My NPD/BPD ex wife has been out of my life just over a year. I have no urge to ever want to talk to her again. It's a grieving process we must go through. A good T will help you sort out your feelings. You will think your going crazy but your not. It's a tough go, but I promise you it will get better. I like to compare it to quitting drinking. The quality of sobriety you get depends on you. The quality of recovery we get after the NPD/BPD is gone from our life depends on us. If you want to hang on and keep trying, keep contacting than be prepared to stay stuck in misery. Nc, let go, forgive, move on and you can have a good life beyond what you can imagine right now. Garbage in garbage out.

Thank you.  It helps to know it goes away and that the way out is through it.  I do have an awesome therapist who I just saw yesterday.  I've been doing what she instructs.  I tend to feel amazing when I leave and then get hit with waves of this overwhelming emotion.  I've starting to notice that it comes and goes but some of the waves are super super strong.  I seriously feel like I am losing my mind and the only way to fix it is to get her back in my life.  I've been writing down bad memories in hopes it will help me see the reality of what is really like with her.  Stuff is helping but nothing is the "silver bullet".  I am a recovering alcoholic so I am aware of the process of getting sober.  If I relate it to getting sober my life today at 4 years sober is amazing.  I'm at 60+ days of ending this relationship and at 14 days since my last contact with her.  I remember being 60 days sober and it was hard.  I seriously wish I had not contacted her 14 days ago.

Unfortunately,
everyone heals at different speeds.

Some get over it in months. Some years, and there are some i believe will never fully get over it.
All you can do is take it day by day.

Been there.  Done this.  Recently.  The waves will get smaller and further between.  Promise.  You're doing the right things, and having gone through AA you know better than most that it's a process.  Work your plan.

Hi JDK,
Yes, it does get better over time, but as others have said it can be a slow, and at times painful, process. In the first weeks after the end of my relationship, I just had to take it on faith that the intense emotional pain would eventually ease. And it does. Let yourself feel the emotions that come up, and show yourself some kindness and compassion by remembering that it is hard, it's ok to struggle with it, and that others here understand that struggle.


Very good advice. And I would add that I don't expect to ever fully get over the relationship, in the sense of returning to the person I was before. But I think that's a positive. I still have some painful days, but the pain is slowly fading. It's been many months now. And more and more I feel this experience will leave me with a deeper sense of calm and self-awareness than I had before. It's a miserable process after the end of these relationships, but it really is a chance (however unwanted) to take stock of where we're at in life, what we want, and how we relate to others in our lives.

When it's early days and you're overwhelmed with the pain and confusion, remember to be kind to yourself. You're hurting a lot. That's human. It's understandable. And, though the details of your relationship will be unique to you, so many of us understand the pain you're going through.