BPDFamily.com

I'm new here as a member but I have read from here months ago.

I am going to attempt to keep it short but if I'm not please excuse me I n advance. I don't know what to do and I'm hurting.

This is about an ex who was diagnosed with BPD this year. We dated for 3.5 years broke up for 4 months then decided to stay friends. Since we became friends we have had sex but haven't for a long time. She is like my only family and I feel I'm losing her. I worried something is going to happen to her. Im also worried her son might hurt her for money. Her son and my nephew run with the same crew. He said to some of his friends on several occasions mentioned the life insurance he will inherit when his mom dies. But he said if she dies.

I made the mistake to mention it to her and now she won't talk to me for months. She doesn't like things he does but thinks he is perfect and a saint. Her other children she hardly mentions. When she talk about him I ignore and change the topic bc i can see right through him and he knows it. Stops her from going out with me in the past a lot.

 I saw her and she was with other friends. I know them from the neighborhood but I didn't know they were together again.  She waved but quickly looked the other way. I walked like I didn't care but when I got in my car I cried. I cried off and on for 2 days. I can't sleep she's in my dream. I work as a manager at a very busy fast food. Managing is hard if I can't concentrate.

I use to try calling her but she ignored me, now my pride is on. We broke up bc the relationship was toxic. She lies even now but now it doesn't hurt me anymore. I know she's lying. She said she didn't know why she lies. I don't know either. Because she's extremely free with her body but now i only worry about her safety not my health. I see hear everybody says just leave and save yourself. That it is not worth the trouble but I love her and I know she still is my family. I miss her badly. Another problem is her son is 26 and never had a real job for more than a few days. He steals her money or demands it. She has to treat him his friends, and whoever he is dating. He buys his dates expensive gift and demands she does it or he will throw a tantrum and break things or leaves for days or even months once. But when he is gone still calls for money. She doesn't like it she said but is afraid because he threatenes to hurt himself. She gives him drug money. So much more. She can't keep a partner bc dealing with him and her disorder destroys it. We are each others support for so long  she promise to always protect me now she's not talking to me at all. I miss her and love her. She's my only real family.  My family live far. I moved here for school dropped out and never went back. I lost my dad right before i moved. My mom has remained. I'm 28. What do I do?

 

Welcome to the family Sarah4MiAmr,

Your story is one of sadness and questions... .what should you do?  It's something you will find is a very familiar theme on these boards.  You are not alone in your pain and suffering as we all here have experienced something along these lines.  You will find many lessons here, such as the ones just to the right of this page. ------------------------------>
I hear your struggles suggesting she is your only family there, and we understand that feeling.  I also note, she has obviously caused you great pain in the past... .and seemingly in the present.  We all understand missing someone we care about deeply, but is this something you wish to pursue given the pain she seems to have caused in your past?  Do you see any signs she can change that pattern?
I ask you these questions to see if you can better inform us of your intent... .are you looking to detach? 
You have found a great place for support and learning.  We look forward to seeing you post your answers and your progress. 
I suggest you look around the site at lessons, and also others posts on the message boards to see some of what others are experiencing. 
You have found a family here willing to help... .and we will always be here.  We feel your pain.   

Idk

Maybe just give her some time. She probably doesn't know what to say and is just distancing so that she doesn't have to deal with the Truth. If you're really each others support maybe she'll return.

I know this isn't what you want to hear right now but time will tell.  My ex never came back to me. She is somewhere out there living it up but we we're not as close. Try to keep yourself busy.

I have been reading a lot of the other posts that's why I said someone is going to tell me to run. I think I should do the same and ignore her forget her, detach, whatever. But I'm not ready. I know people suffering have to eventually leave a BPD person be, but I know she still loves me. It never got this bad. I don't know what I want to do. I don't know what to do. All I know is I want my homie to speak to me and tell me that we're good, she is fine.  I want to call bc i miss her voice and her laughter and jokes and her cakes. She loves to cook. I love to eat and I'm skinny. Always trying to feed me. But I won't. Why did she do that instead of saying something?  she won't talk to me about anything. I feel sick. The last thing she said to me was I'm coming to your house. I said okay Then I told her good bc we have to talk. She said tell me now. I told her some then The phone went dead. I texted called but no answer. She never came over.  My sister back home said it has to  bc of her trophy kid. He perfect son but I won't bring him up like I tried to avoid so many times. Maybe I should give up but what to do. Help me. I missed up. I know I did. I just had to let it out.

Hi Sarah4MiAmr,

I'm sorry you're hurting  . Perhaps you could consider writing to her? Explaining that you feel you messed up regarding her child and requesting that you talk again. Maybe?