BPDFamily.com

Hey everyone

I've gotten the hint, only took a few thousand times and years of practice, but hey, when we figure it out is when we figure it out.

I work very closely now with my sons grandmother, (exs mother).

She tells me to ignore her daughter when she does/says something outrageous.

I know! Rocket science, right!

Sorry if this is not news to most of you, I'm finding that the majority of the things my pwBPD says are not factual, (lies)

So to put it another way:

DON'T BELIEVE A SINGLE WORD SHE SAYS!

The only evidence is the actions she presents, not her words or intent.

I don't trust her now, she has to prove herself trustworthy

Lies, manipulation and controli from an immature woman living her life in a fantacy world.

Yeah, I'm buying what you're selling... .

Last week I'm the scum of the earth, today she's sweet as pie, nope, ain't buying it anymore honey. I know who you are, what you are capable of. You are not, nor ever will be the fluffy kitten I insisted you were.

You are a full grown, she tiger with 6 inch fangs and 4 inch claws ready to tear me to shreads. Nope nope nope never again... .

Stalking me and our son today too, haha... .

It's true that what matters are the behaviors and how they affect us, and is it really true that 100% of the things she says are lies Jerry?  It's helpful to see things how they are, not better than and not worse than; we tend to make them better than they are when we're in it, and worse than they are when we're out, while emotional maturity includes seeing things exactly as they are, yes?

Yes you are correct, I knew once I wrote this I was exagerating, I need to remember I only have to focus on our son and as long as her "intent" really doesn't affect either of us I don't have to get involved.

She can lie all she wishes, it has no affect on me and the same holds true of her threats, it's usually just talk and hurtful words intended to harm me, and no one can harm me but myself. I have the ability to chose what I believe about myself and not allow others to determine my self worth.

Thank you fromheeltoheal

I was tired when I wrote this, just had to vent

That's good to realize that Jerry.  We find out how our detachment is going when we're stressed or pushed a little, and tired falls in that category; it's a great way to get immediate feedback that you can use to adjust your detachment progress, or not, by asking how can I use this?  So how can you use it?

Yes, and also continue to stay focused on yourself, your own well being.
It's true, the less you play the game, the less of a game there is to play.
The better you make things for You, the more her stuff won't affect you.

Hi Jerry,

She saw you as all bad last week, probably hostile or lashing out. Today she's the opposite, being nice, maybe approachable? You're not buying it anymore.

Did she ask something of you? Telling us what happened may help.

Hello Mutt

Last week I told her once more to not talk about anything but our son, I told her to go get help, she told me to go to h###.

Then went on about how happy she is now, never known love like she has now, her father was happy for her and flying up for her wedding. Her bf was a better father for our son than I will ever be, he will soon be step dad and they will be the perfect family. On and on.

She's was deleting her email account, taking our son out of his current daycare, she had 2 lawyers, they were charging me with destroying her life and I was going to prison for 7 years.

Yesterday she tells me how she cries dropping our son off at daycare, then goes on about how much our son likes itvthere. (She has done nothing but block my efforts to get our son in dc, still living off the cs that should be going to our son.

She ended the huge email with "God bless You and J"

So yeah, she's really trying to beat me up and I can't respond to her insults so I just try to ignore her bs. It does hurt but I'm learning to not let it.

She's really hurt and she's sharing it with me

Hi Jerry,

My ex wife pulled a similar stunt and pulled the kids out of daycare because she wanted me to pay her to watch the kids to supplement her income. She wasn't working. Why pay the parent to watch their own kid?   She lacks impulse control and thoughts to consequences, she needed money but she wasn't looking at the bigger picture, the kids were in daycare for over a year, they're with their peers and in a routine. She can't place herself in their shoes because she has a lot going on internally.

I was mad because it was so sudden and I didn't get notice. What am I supposed to do if I can't find placement at that daycare or at another daycare? I didn't want to give her more time with the kids, what would a judge say if she was watching the kids 9 hours a day on my week? Is the judge going to award her more time? I managed to talk to the daycare and I got the kids backs in but it was under my name and not my exe's so she couldn't pull that stunt again  :) As I mentioned earlier, she wasn't looking at the bigger picture, she was looking at a short term fix for cashflow, she didn't realize that she gave up control because of her lack of impulse control, it's self defeating.

I understand how frustrating this feels and it will get better with more time behind you. It's Ok to feel the way that you do, you don't have to suppress your feelings, but it may help if you have an outlet. What do you like to do for self-care?

At the moment I'm sick from chemo and caught a bad cold, my son is also sick so we can't do a lot. We have a birthday night at AA and dinner tonight but I thought we better stay home.

I enjoy being active and being sick isn't helping me get to work and pay bills and provide the best for my son. Just frustrated and a little upset.

Just have to wait until we're well so we can do fun things together. I'm not asking his mother to help so she can degrade me about being sick.