BPDFamily.com

I'm in the process of obtaining legal representation, still waiting to hear from the lawyer. I hope to get full custody, it would be my wish, just unsure how this will all play out.

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Split from https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=297632

And as mentioned, you can help it play out in your favor by focusing on your and your son's well being, and detach from her as much as possible.  If her life continues to spiral downward and you've got it together and aren't triggered by her, that would look very good for you in family court.

Thank you fromheeltoheal

That's good advice, I will continue to grow and do my best for our son and myself.

So what does that look like, specifically?

Do you have any legal agreement at this time? How % time has she or he family had your son since the separation?

I received a letter today from the organization that was helping me find a lawyer who would help but they couldn't find any in my area willing to help.

Discouraging but nothing has changed, my son still needs me and I will keep fighting for him.

Were you looking for donated services?

Yes I was

JerryRG, are you in the U.S.? Does your child receive any public assistance? (In that case you might be eligible for representation provided by public sector attorneys.) Does your local courthouse have an office called something like "family law facilitator?" (These are folks who can help members of the public move forward with filing legal documents themselves.)

What legal documents do you presently have regarding the status of your paternity? Any parenting plan agreements?

In many places in the U.S. there are non-attorney resources to help financially strapped fathers achieve stable legal rights to their children. These may be employees in the public sector who are experienced at guiding fathers in need of legal direction. I worked in one such office and saw dozens and dozens of fathers achieve the goals that I imagine you are seeking.

Can you explain the steps you've taken so far? Maybe the experienced people here can help you move beyond those steps.

Sorry I took so long to respond

Right now I have paternity rights, I have my son for so many hours every week and every other weekend.

I have cared for him for almost a month on my own, got him into daycare full time and paying child support and daycare and buying all the other things he needs, diapers, food, etc

I tried applying with an organization here in the US, that find lawyers who will take the case for no charge.

They couldn't find a lawyer in my area that was willing to take the case.

I have talked to everyone that knows the situation, those who know my sons mother personally and those who have read her emails and texts and have followed me over the last 4 years.

Everyone assures me she will crash and burn eventually and give our son up to me, of course this is reassuring but still frustrating to say the least. Right now I cannot get legal representation and I just have to keep doing what I'm doing. I used to just want to give up, being sick, cancer and chemo, that I thought I could just wait around for her to give him to me. I realize I cannot do that to our son, no telling how her erratic behavior and mental illness will affect him long term.

I will keep seeking legal help, maybe one day I will be able to get full custody, not today and I have to take care of myself and my son. I do believe he will be in my custody one day, I hope everyone is right.

It isn't a matter of popular opinion, it has to be settled legally, my sons grandmother, exes mother, says our son is better off with me. I have not found one person in many 100s who don't agree.

I don't have to prove anything, these people know her, they know me. If the judge knew what was going on, I'm certain he would also agree.

Jerry, I can't recommend the book "Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder" by Bill Eddy and Randi Kreger enough! The book has a lot of info about custody issues, and what to expect from your BPD partner. Our DD is an adult, so that didn't pertain to me, but it would help you so much. Unfortunately I found it AFTER I filed, but even now, it has helped me know what to expect and how to help my lawyers understand (as much as one can) my stbxBPDh's actions. This will help you personally as well... .the book has helped me navigate the swirling s#!tstorm that is my divorce with a touch more sanity. You can find the book at your library; I found mine at my local library as an audiobook, so I listened to it while doing household stuff. I rewound and listened to it again when it was over.

Don't give up! I wish you and your son the best!

Thank you PennyDreadful

I cannot tell you how much your encouragement means to me, I will find that book.

Have an awesome day 

JerryRG,

Has anyone here yet passed on to you the good advice to get a consultation (or several, if possible) with a family law attorney in your area? Attorneys will often offer a brief period of their time--maybe 30 minutes, maybe an hour--for a low-cost or no-cost consultation. You can explain your particular situation to the attorney and get an idea of what to expect and what goals to formulate. And, of course, what costs to anticipate.

Take notes and use the next such session, with a second attorney, to build on your understanding. If it comes time in the future to hire an attorney, you will have experience in what to look for. Maybe one of the attorneys you've already met will click with you. Others may not, and that is good to know as well.

If you add to that the knowledge to be gained from the Billy Eddy book, you will have gained much.