BPDFamily.com

Got this from my son's mother today, I don't read her emails and ask friends to weed through them to find anything malicious. My friend thinks my exgf is asking for us to be a family again?

I apologize for not editing the names, I'm too wore out to read her stuff anymore and I can't take the hits.

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This song (son) would send is in a heart beat... .it's all true too, so think of him and his precious heart that's destroyed and I'm trying my best to glue it back together by doing what I have done for you to cooperate by a schedule and now more ___ u throw at me and you wonder why his mom is emotionally drained... .(son) right now needs healthy parents does he not? Stop and listen to this song for Him not for me.

"Broken Home"

They would yell, they would scream, they were fighting it out
She would hope, she would pray, she was waiting it out
Holding onto a dream
While she watches these walls fall down
Sharp words like knives, they were cutting her down
Shattered glass like the past, it's a memory now
Holding onto a dream
While she watches these walls fall down

Hey mom, hey dad
When did this end?
Where did you lose your happiness?
I'm here alone inside of this broken home
Who's right, who's wrong
Who really cares?
The fault, the blame, the pain's still there
I'm here alone inside of this broken home, this broken home

Wrote it down on the walls, she was screaming it out
Made it clear, she's still here, are you listening now?
Just a ghost in the halls
Feeling empty, they're vacant now
All the battles, all the wars, all the times that you've fought
She's the scar, she's the bruises, she's the pain that you brought
There was life, there was love
Like a light and it's fading out

Hey mom, hey dad
When did this end?
Where did you lose your happiness?
I'm here alone inside of this broken home
Who's right, who's wrong
Who really cares?
The fault, the blame, the pain's still there
I'm here alone inside of this broken home, this broken home

You've gotta let it go, you're losing all your hope
Nothing left to hold, locked out in the cold
You painted memories then washed out all the scenes
I'm stuck in between a nightmare and lost dreams

Hey mom, hey dad
When did this end?
Where did you lose your happiness?
I'm here alone inside of this broken home
Hey mom, hey dad
When did this end?
Where did you lose your happiness?
I'm here alone inside of this broken home
Who's right, who's wrong
Who really cares?
The fault, the blame, the pain's still there
I'm here alone inside of this broken home
This broken home

Finally read the email, nothing new, I told her today that the daycare bill is piling up, this is her way to try to manipulate me to feel guilty or something

Hi Jerry,
I've read many of your posts and you often make me laugh! :)

Sounds like you have really difficult ongoing contacts with your ex. Good that you do your best to minimize reading through the emails, etc.

So does her manipulation give you feelings of guilt? Or "something"? I find my ex is still able to trigger guilt and longing and plenty of other emotions when she reaches out to me. What I've worked on is how I react to those feelings. At least I can control my actions, even if not my feelings.

Oh, and the song lyrics! My ex would send me those constantly. I loved it at first. But eventually I realised it just felt safer for her to express herself that way rather than trying to commit herself in her own words.

Anyway, it's normal to still get feelings of guilt, and we can acknowledge those without reacting the same way we might have in the past. :)

Thanks rfriesen

I don't feel guilty about what I did in our relationship, I sometimes wish I had done more.

She wouldn't get well so I told her I'm done, very simple

I didn't destroy her, she was already self destructing long before we met.

Oh and I love to laugh, after 4 years of this bs? Yes

Here's one for you,

Why is it almost impossible to find elephants hiding in trees?

Because they are so good at it... .

Heard this on my headphones at work and laughed until I cried, coworkers may think I'm nuts but I don't care what people think, that's one reason I got involved with my exgf. Not being honest about who I am.

Thanks again rfriesen

I'm still puzzled by this... .I've had my son for about a month straight, I got him into this daycare, it's the best in the area, his mother would not cooperate with my request to stop sending crazy long emails describing her life and all her problems so I suggested we do drop offs and pick ups at daycare so we could avoid each other and lessen our contact.  Hmmm and all I said was she needs to pay her share of the bill, I'm already paying child support and not getting any help from her.

What does she want?

If I pay for everything that will make her healthy? Wha? I'm harming our son by caring for him as I have since he was 6 months old?

And who's losing their happiness, when I'm away from mom I'm extremely happy, when she rages I get depressed. Not sure I get this

Hi JerryRG,

What I get from your OP, she's rescuing your son and persecuting you - she's patronizing. Are you tempted to respond?

I have not responded, I've learned that engaging her is almost futile, I keeps my answers specific and brief and only mention our son

I sent 2 emails stating the daycare bills were growing and told her we are both accountable.

She's twisting reality

Broken home? I fought to stay together if she would have tried to get well I could have. Everyone says the same things, she's mentally ill, she needs help, she's heading for the bottom and yet she turns this around on me?

She's hanging on to fights we had when we were together? Still not letting go of blaming me. I see nothing about her failures, her fake illnesses, her lies, her manipulations.

She told me last week she sure does care about me and my health, um since when?

Only since I stopped showing interest in hers?

I agree with Mutt's analysis of the triangulation.

Don't rescue the Waif.  I know it drives you nuts (wanting to fix her?), but keeping it business like and cordial with your boundaries keeps you healthier. Whatever she does,  being consistent on your side helps you,  which in turn helps your son. 

Thank you Mutt, Turkish

I'm done rescuing her, I've asked her dozens of times to stop with all the drama and information.

She hasn't changed, she's still not healthy

I must not engage her, it only leads to more turmoil

Maybe she interprets my lack of emotion as my not being happy?

Whatever she interprets is whatever she does. 

I'll share something my T told me,  and he was no fan of my ex (he saw her twice before she abandoned the ruse of couples' therapy), "There's nothing wrong with being kind."

Being kind,  with boundaries,  is a tough road to walk.  It says more about us,  and it's something akin to a Quest. Not for them,  but for us. For our kids.   It's worth a try. 

Thanks Turkish

I believe she interprets nice as weekness and become worse. The point is, I do not like this person, I don't want to be around her or communicate with her, EVER

Here I am breaking the "golden rule" of pwBPD


TRYING TO FIGURE HER OUT!

When am I ever going to learn?

Lol, I need to sleep