BPDFamily.com

Hi all, my adult daughter has been having therapy for the last few years. After being diagnosed with BPD she is now in a group that meets each week. As you all know I should imagine, it's been a long hard struggle. My daughter had a long term boyfriend who couldn't see she was ill and she really hit rock bottom. As was the pattern, he ended it and she went into complete meltdown as usual but didn't chase him because she didn't have the energy to beg him to come back. Since then he has sent her messages every now and again but that's been all. Recently she told me they had been talking and had met up. I cried. I couldn't believe she wanted him back again. She told me the relationship had gone wrong because of her, which yes, I know she was very contradictory and probably very irritating to say the least but she kept telling him she was ill and he said there was nothing wrong with her. He was very controlling, tracker on her phone, trying to control her kids, wouldn't let her see family. I'm trying hard not to be in despair, I can't face all the drama yet again, I'm trying not to let it take me over - help me handle this better please

Hi Genie1,

*welcome*

I'd like to welcome you to bpdfamily. It has to be heartbreaking to see a loved one go through many break-up / make-up cycles in a r/s with someone that is not healthy for them. It's sad to hear that she's not allowed to see supportive loved ones when she's going out with him. Do her kids like him? How many kids does she have? Does she talk to you about how she's not allowed to see you while she's with him?

I'm glad that you decided to seek help with a support group. It helps to talk to people that have gone through similar experiences and can offer you guidance and support. You're not alone. It helps to talk.

Hi Genie1,

We are so very glad that you are here sharing some of your story and concerns with us.  Having an adult child with BPD and watching the poor decisions they make is painful... .my d will be 20 next month.

What is your relationship with your d like?  Does she open up to you and can you listen without offering opinions?  You might want to read up on the info on validation, SET, and triangulation.  It will help you develop the most effective communication skills with your d, provide the platform for you to voice your concerns, and determine how far to step into your d's choices.

You can find all this info in the side bar under Tools.  How are you taking care of yourself Genie?  It can be difficult not to use up all of our energy on our kids and worrying about our kids... .adult or not.  How old is your d?

lbj

Hi Genie1,

Any updates?