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I'm sorry if this topic isn't fully appropriate for this board since I'm not looking for advice on how to deal with my ex BPD partner but this topic does have something to do with them for sure.

Basically, the horrific & life-changing experience of having been through a relationship with a pwBPD has made me start to think a lot about the relationship that I had with a non-BPD woman directly before this last endeavor. I was together with this person for quite a long time (6 years) and although we had our ups and downs, the relationship with my BPD ex has made me start to appreciate how normal and healthy things were with this prior partner. This specific relationship had to end for various reasons, I didn't see myself being with her forever, she had changed quite a bit over time and things were long distance for the last ~2 years with no end to that setup in sight. However; having been put through the emotional ringer by my BPD ex has suddenly brought forth tons of thoughts about how lucky I was to be with a non-disordered person for so long and I'm now realizing that even though things with her didn't work out, I know for a fact that she would have never done to me what my BPD ex did.

I thought that I loved my BPD ex and I actually thought (and told her) that it was the first time I had TRULY loved someone and it really did feel like that. Of course, I now know that this was just the intoxicating blissful feeling of the idealization / love-bombing phase but at the time since it was so powerful and new to me, I really thought that I had finally found what love really is. While I can now laugh at myself for how wrong I was, it's made me realize that I do actually love my prior partner in the sense that I hold no ill-will towards her and I'd love to find out that she is happy with someone else in her life. Things didn't end super well with this person and I'm not proud of myself for how I handled things, I somewhat "ghosted" her when this happened and having now experienced this to its full extent at the hands of my BPD ex, I'm feeling some shame and regret about how things ended with this other person. I haven't communicated with this person in any manner for almost a year and a half but I'm wondering if writing a short email to her to express my gratitude for the good times we had & apologize for how things ended would be a good idea?

I'm not trying to re-engage this person and I don't want to be with them, I just truly do care for them and think that they are a good person and don't like thinking that they may be out there holding resentment for me. Having read so much about BPD, what is preventing me from doing this is the thought that what if by doing this, I would be exhibiting BPD behavior since this could possible be construed as "charming" or "recycling"?

Does anyone have experience similar to this situation? Basically, the relationship with my BPD ex has really changed how I view the world and I now feel like there are some loose ends in my past that I want to take care of after having been through this learning experience. Beyond being worried about possibly displaying BPD behaviors myself, I'm also scared that her seeing communication from me could stir up pain within her and I don't want to do that either. Anyway, just wondering if anyone has been through a similar scenario and if they can provide any guidance.

I say it depends what your motives are.  And is it really shame you're feeling, or guilt?  We feel guilt when we think we did something wrong, we feel shame when we think we are wrong.  Anyway, if it's to apologize for whatever happened and genuinely wish her well, that could work, and consider how she would receive it, if it would benefit her or hurt her.  And you might consider hand writing a letter instead of an email, more personal and maybe appropriate for someone you had an intimate relationship with for 6 years?

I've communicated with previous girlfriends after time has passed and the emotions have been processed, sometimes it has worked out well, other times not, and sometimes it became clear all over again why we aren't together; again, it goes back to motives and where we are emotionally around that relationship.

Another benefit, having graduated borderline school, as you mention, is we look at the world, people and relationships differently, having grown and gotten wiser, and it can be interesting to revisit old relationships with different ears and eyes, but again, not at the expense of someone we hurt and may hurt more.  Your attempt could be interpreted as an attempt to reconcile, which you mention it isn't, or an attempt to clean up the past and tie up some loose ends, apologize maybe, or maybe a pure attempt to reconnect to wish her well; it's good to consider how it will be interpreted too.

PJ,

Having kept up with your progress, and having a good idea about how  you feel and who you are, I'd say it's best to leave that one alone.  You would not want to cause her any pain, nor would you want to give her the wrong idea, and I don't think anyone, including you can say a letter won't do that. 
You feel regret over how you dealt with ending things, however, at the time I'm sure you were doing what you thought was best for both of you.  You've gained experience in life that has made you look back and feel this regret... .I would imagine her forgiveness and understanding is not worth possibly causing her more pain in your eyes.
You don't need that from her anyway... .you did the best you could with what you knew at the time... .you need to forgive yourself. 
I'm with ya man, I can look back and see a whole lot I did wrong in my r/s's of all types, but I prefer to look towards the future and know I'll deal with those situations in a much more mature and healthy manner going forward.  I hope these thoughts help... .just my 2 cents.   |iiii

What do you mean by 'somewhat' ghosted?

That's the information you'll need to think about if you want to find a clear answer regarding sudden communication now.