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Title: my relationship that is ruining me Post by: lax on September 11, 2016, 03:59:45 PM Hello,
İ married my partner with invisible BPD last year after i came to know that i was pregnant. Even before that he had ask me to marry him twice and i had say yes, but we couldnt get to the point of having good communication and "tie the knot" . i now have since 6 months the cutest daughter that i am extremely greatfull for. But i feel extremely stuck in this relationship where every little disagreement becomes a big fight. No metter what i have tried is not working. we almost dont even touch each other. no sex. no kissing. we both try take good care of our daughter only. But i am really worried about the future if we do not break up. my daughter will never be able to see what it is to have a great relationship between man and women. İf i divorce first of all i am not sure he would continue to pay our bills, and second i am affraid that he ll try to hurt me in many ways, and also that he will always come in to my life and thretans me about things about my daughter. And if wait too long time to get divorced it can harm my daughter to witness the kind of toxix fights we r having at each disagreement. İ really feel like , am aging much faster since my relationship with him. and i still cant completely understand whay i got to saty with him at first as i knew he had issues( i realised these issues were BPD only when i got pregnant ). İ am very gratefull to him for our daughter. but i am real scared to have to deal with him my whole life. Can anyone hear me here ? thank you Title: Re: my relationship that is ruining me Post by: Cat Familiar on September 11, 2016, 04:29:42 PM I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. You've come to the right place. Please take a look at the sidebar, "Choosing a Path."
And it would be a good idea to consult with an attorney. Depending upon where you live, there are certain laws that require a father to provide some financial support. It's good that you are thinking both about your future and that of your daughter. Yes, you don't want her to grow up in a toxic environment or to tolerate or repeat behaviors that are damaging. So many of us here got involved with a partner with BPD and didn't realize it at the time. Lots of us here are codependent and it's good that you are looking at yourself, wondering what attracted him into your life. Since he had to ask you twice to marry, it seems you had a bit of hesitation at the beginning. There's lots of information here and so many of us have been through divorce. Another board that is helpful is the legal board. You can post there too. Best of luck, Cat Title: Re: my relationship that is ruining me Post by: Lucky Jim on September 12, 2016, 11:52:49 AM Hey lax, Welcome! Many of us have been in your shoes. We get it. You're in a familiar quandary.
Excerpt i am affraid that he ll try to hurt me in many ways, and also that he will always come in to my life and thretans me about things about my daughter. That's no way to live, though I can appreciate that he is using fear as a way to control you. As you may know, those w/BPD use F-O-G (fear, obligation and guilt) in order to manipulate the Non. It helps to be aware when you see the F-O-G rolling in. Don't fall for it, is my suggestion. Hang in there, LuckyJim |