BPDFamily.com

HI everyone:

I have recently  found out that my wife that i met and married in China then 2 years later came to Canada, my home country, is definitely narcissistic.  When we met wow, just the most incredible woman i had ever known.  Treated me like a king.  And was absolutely fantastic at sex.

So fast forwarding to when we came to Canada. She changed, started making me feel i was not worthy of her, made me feel i was an ass, called me stupid, things like that.  Then one day she went she said to meet a gf of hers for lunch and then the library.  I got an important call for her about an hour after she left and called her cell, which always if she missed my call she would call me back real quick, but not this day.  6 hours later she called and I said what the heck, what, are u with another guy? and said she had met a customer from where she works on the bus and took him to meet her gf, but the gf got called into work so he asked my wife to go to an afternoon movie at the cinema, and she turned off her phone while there. Long story short when she got home at 6pm she went right into the shower.  I was mad of course, and she called him in front of me and said she cannot see or talk to him again.  Then i found out she was still seeing him, she called again, in front of me again and said same thing, cannot see u again, but i found out again a month later she was stiil seeing him, fortunately i had taken a job long long ways away and the next week we moved.  No he told me when i called him that they did not meet on the bus that day, they had planned to meet few days before.  Her contention to this day is that they were only friends and nothing else.  So i said then why did you not introduce me to him as your husband and she said he did not want to meet me. Since then there have been a few other times where i, with real good reasons, suspect she cheated.

Anyhow 3 months ago she came to my office and told me she wants a divorce, she does not love me anymore, and we separated on May 3rd.  Since then she has totally confused me.  One day she called and asked if i want to go to china in September, and i said no.  Another time she called and wanted to take me to lunch on fathers day, yet we have no kids together.  And then the next day she just argues and calls me loser, stupid, etc.  Says one minute if i change some things she might come back, then next minute says we can never by husband and wife ever again.  I asked her 2 days ago on the phone if she would help me with the demons i have had in my head for years and she said ok.  So i asked her, have u been with any other guy since we separated and she said no, but she is looking and hopefully will fine a guy soon.  Then i said, honestly for me, did u cheat during our marriage, and she got all mad and loud and said i told you before no and hung up.  

Well she has been on and off since we separated like u would not believe.  One day she hates me and never wants to see me, next day she shows up at my office with a bag of oranges she said she bought me.  

So  a week ago she went to china to visit her family and a girlfriend of hers accompanied her.  I asked her are just you and the girlfriend going and she and she said yes, just the two of them.  I don’t know why, but I just had that feeling, so I called the travel agent that she uses who is also a friend of mine and asked him, who else went, and he reluctantly finally told me my wife, her gf, and 2 guys.

Now my thinking is this – if u are done with an ex and totally really done, then why not tell them, yea, I am taking a guy I am involved with there also, so get on with your life?


So what i am looking for is a somewhat analysis of what other people think of this whole situation and what they feel was really going on.  And i can say she is definitely narcissistic, when i checked this out on the internet after we parted, the signs of one could have been called her resume.

ChineseWifeIsBPD ,
Your wife sounds really complicated. How are you able to deal with all this? I believe my ex is BPD but I'm not sure.  I'm glad she left me because I was having a difficult time figuring out how was going to part from her.  Love is complicated.  I myself im dealing with the same type of situation.

To my understanding, people who are compulsive liars can't help it.  She lied about everything you have mentioned.  Why would she tell you who was going on the trip? I agree that when you're done with someone you should let them know and not string them along.  Some people are deceiving and don't care about other peoples feeling.  All that matters is that they're having fun.  I would never do that to anybody.

She probably did not change after the move.  Maybe she is who she is and you just didn't see it early enough.  The divorce would probably turn out to be more beneficial to you.  She'll need you again and you won't be there.  Then she'll notice the mess she made.  Sometimes the way people behave leads us to believe they hate us but in my experience I've been wrong.  Selfish maybe but then again, who is not and you didn't do anything to deserve hate. The bag of oranges was a nice gesture, wouldn't you say?


She might have narcissistic traits but maybe not a narcissist.  What it might be is she gets angry when she does not get her ways or maybe she doesn't think she's that bad and doesn't see the reason you kept rejecting her.  In turn says bad things because like most people gets angry if they don't get their needs met.