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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: Cinlou on September 13, 2016, 02:07:23 PM



Title: Getting Accused of Being Mean
Post by: Cinlou on September 13, 2016, 02:07:23 PM
Does anyone have experience with emotional retaliation for being angry with a pwBPD?  Specifically, when I disagree or get angry or upset by a comment or a behavior of the pwBPD, I immediately get accused of being "mean" and I "just can't be nice" or I "don't appreciate them", they "deserve better than this", basically words to make me feel like I am out of line for becoming upset or angry or disagreeing with something I feel is justified. 

 


Title: Re: Getting Accused of Being Mean
Post by: fromheeltoheal on September 13, 2016, 02:34:21 PM
That's pretty common Cinlou, put it back on you to avoid taking responsibility, because a borderline interprets that as you finding fault in them, which triggers shame, and then you will leave them, abandonment, the worst thing that can happen.  So it has to be all you.

It's also invalidating, and it's helpful to dig and see why we stuck around anyway after the first few times that happened.  What did you make that mean to allow you to stay?