BPDFamily.com

Throughout the relationship I push and push and push for him to leave and when I finally stop pushing and give him a chance then he left.

This is exactly how my BPD/NPDh operates. He always wants what he thinks he can't have, or he'll do the exact opposite of something I've nicely asked of him. If I ask him anything, it makes him feel "controlled", even though he basically controlled everything(I shouldn't have let him, but when all this first started, I had low boundaries).

It's almost like they do things in reverse, or that their thinking is basically backwards. BPDh never wanted what he had, but he'd chase after what he thought he didn't have control of. It's such a sad, dysfunctional way to live their life.

I guess just be happy he's gone? He's liable to not stay gone. That, or he'll quickly move on to his next target. My experience is that they hate being alone(as do a lot of people without PDs), and they seem to jump into something serious right away, instead of giving themselves time to see how things go, or heal from or learn from the last break up... .

I think this is true because we meet at a party and I didn't like him. He's shoes was wrinkles like he wear it to much. Then he tell a friend he like me and chase me for about 3 month. He had on better shoes then, better cloths but needed a haircut. I pay for a haircut for him. Then after that he kept himself up a little better so I start to like him. He's a good cook and cooked for me a lot. I start to like him more then we made love and I fell in love.  He was good to me at the beginning then after he change but idk how to describe him change. It was easy for me to start to like him more and more but in the back of my mind I never seen a future with him it was the way he was acting. Like he had another woman or women that's how I was feeling. But doubted my intuitions.


I'm not happy at all. My friend tel me it all will get better but when? It hurt me so much. is like one day he my man and the next day is like he don't know me. I see him one time. I think he takes a different way to travel around now because first time I use to see him everyday every wear. Now I don't see or hear from him at all. I feel like he hate me or something and I didn't do nothing but the best for him. But my heart and my head hurt so much.

I think that it's really tough when a partner turns on a dime and leaves. My ex wife and I were together for almost 8 years and it was like a light switch was turned off, I didn't recognize the person that was in front of my eyes and she emotionally detached and attached herself to another man and started idealizing him.

I know that it's easy to say this now but I think that you described it well when you said that your heart and your head are not aligned, it takes time to heal these wounds. A pwBPD fear abandonment and frantically try to avoid it imagined or real and they will reject a partner before a partner rejects them. I think that an important part of our recovery is to read as much as you can about BPD to understand why our ex partners behaved the way that they do.