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Title: stealing from me and no motivation to do ANYTHING. Post by: mummydearest on September 14, 2016, 12:10:17 PM 18 year old daughter lives with me, last year of high school. steals money and things out of my purse (has her own money and doesn't really even need money for anything) has stopped showering or taking care of herself. doesn't do anything around the house. how do i navigate this? i can't kick her out, i know she wouldn't survive. but how do i survive? make the situation livable, and help her?
Title: Re: stealing from me and no motivation to do ANYTHING. Post by: Lifenow on September 14, 2016, 07:56:49 PM This is so hard. Happened over and over in our house. DD stole her brother's birthday and Christmas money. Took cash out of our wallets. Charged our credit cards.
We had a French exchange student and our DD even took her last spending money on a field trip and made up a huge story about finding a wallet no one had claimed! DBT helped us tremendously, because we were taught to not be held hostage by her actions, and set boundaries for ourselves. We also had to embrace radical acceptance - that what she decided to do with her life was her choice, all we could do is maintain our own logical life edges, beyond which we could not go, even for love, because it just enabled her behaviors. Now the fact that she was a chronic "run away", (which was a joke because at first she would leave after we were asleep and come back before we woke up, then after 18 she would stay away for days) made it a bit easier to say "if you don't stay in school you cannot live at home", but it was traumatic when it really happened. We cried for days. We tried to maintain communication only to be told we were "abusers". We missed every major event that is supposed to happen in a girls life. But we stuck to it. My husband did try to get her to come home when she was on the streets or in a nasty house full of druggies but she refused. It has taken 5 years, and while things are far from perfect, she is more willing to talk about things and hopes for a better future. If she were still hooking up with nasty people she would not be in our lives to this extent, but motherhood has calmed her somewhat... .not that I'm recommending it. It's horrible to have to endure this no win sadness, and please know many of us have been where you are today. Hang in there :) |