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can they change? Have a change of heart? Xw has been a piece of the devil for years. Never, I mean absolutely never ever compromised in any way with s9 and tonight she let s9 sleep over at my place. We have a custody hearing in November, we had a settlement confrience in December 2015, she did everything she could to be unreasonable in every way with that and every order and tonight she has a change of heart. I don't know, leopards don't change there spots. 2 Sunday's ago she was making childish faces at me and waving at me in a very sarcastic manner and her BF was joining in and tonight she has a change of heart, I think not. Her niceness comes with a price. I'm not giving up on my fight for s9. I don't give a fiddlers f### for her or her fake change of heart.

Hey bus boy,

I can empathise with your anger. You have every right to be so.

It's hard to read into the logic of a borderline. And it's best to take what is presented as how they are, in that particular moment. In the next it may change completely of course.

It's heartbreaking when they use innocent children in their manipulations.

Continue to be consistent and reasonable yourself. And document each time she behaves inappropriately.

My ex is nice when she wants something. I usually find out in a week or two after the "kindness". If she doesn't get what she wants she usually goes silent for a while. I believe that is because she is angry.

It is also because she is a borderline. My ex is exactly the same. It seems cooperation is conditional.

I've been keeping a very detailed journal since the settlement confrience, her behaviour was disgraceful and it has been since before s9 was born but in regards to coparenting with NPD/BPDxw, it has been a nightmare. As long as she has control she's happy, the second that control slips, look out for wrath. Xw lawyer probably told her to shape up for court but it's to little to late, she's done way to much. Xw has been warned more than once by the judge to change her tune and the judge we have for the custody hearing is a progressive thinker and a big fan of extra access. If Xw acted like an adult for the 9 month trial term of the settlement agreement we would be done of it now, a sign, sealed and delivered court order that would of worked good for everyone.

While something may have gone well in her life and she's in a less obstructive mood, it's probably more likely that with court approaching she wants a couple examples to wave around in court claiming yes she is cooperative.

Unfortunately, the below are probably true:
  David... .nice when she wants something
  Moselle... .cooperation is conditional

She's wanting some proof to wave in front of the judge. S9 was late for school today. I had no clue s9 was spending the night. He had no clothes bag no school bag. I washed his clothes, s9 was going to school with all clean clothes, we were a little behind but not enough to make him late. We had to stop at Xw house for s9's school bag, I said grab your school bag fast. He wasn't coming, wasn't coming than he came out and said mommy was driving him to school. I'm probably thinking paranoid but its like she made s9 late. I drop s9 at school on my access. If s9 got his school bag and came out he would of been on time. They mark you late if you get to school after the anthem starts. S9 was late just by the skin of his teeth. Xw can make s mountain out of a mole hill.

Document it and say nothing. If she brings it up in court let her dig deeper and deeper and after she is done you can bring out the truth.

That's my game plan david. Sadly we had to go back to the old order, xw lawyer told her stick with the existing order but xw refused to listen, xw also told her lawyer to only correspond verbally not by email or any writing with my lawyer. I don't like the loss in access but I've become so use to being without s10 that I can hold out until November. 

I think lawyers communicate various ways depending on what it is. Your attorney can always write a letter about the conversations or he will at least document what was talked about. It sounds like your xw doesn't want the email proof with you and is projecting it onto her attorney.
 
The loss in access sucks. However, if you can keep it together you can ask for makeup time in November. Perhaps you might send an email to ex saying that is something you will be doing. That way, you can show the judge that you attempted to see your son and ex is keeping you from that. Talk to your attorney about that and he/she may have a better way of doing that.

As our boys got older they figured out why they weren't seeing me as much and that pushed them further from their mom. They viewed her as the problem. Eventually I got more time. Our order now is 50/50 but in reality it is 60/40 or more with the boys with me longer. Once 50/50 was established the wind came out of my ex's sails. She viewed it as a loss for her and the loss of power deflated her.

Proof that ex's lawyer advised her to stick to the latest order and she refused would be great for a judge to see.

Xw tells me through text that I am pushing s10 closer to her by pushing for him. She has a need for control and I am taking it from her so she resorts to threats and fear. I can hold it together until November.  I've been through hell and survived.

You surely already are doing this but just to be clear, never 'agree' to her terms in a way that she can claim in court that you were 'okay' or 'agreed' with her limitations or restrictions.  You may have to live with her terms until they get addressed in court but you can disagree by documenting you're seeking court to resolve it, retroactively (for make up) if possible.