|
Title: Roadblock to recovery: Doing things for YOURSELF Post by: Infern0 on September 16, 2016, 05:52:37 AM Anyone else have this problem?
When I'm involved with my BPD I become super productive. Gotta work out to look good... .for her Gotta work hard to make money... .for her Gotta keep my room tidy... .for her Gotta study and read books... .on BPD for her Etc etc When I'm not involved in become so unproductive it's unreal. It's like I go on standby. No energy, just sit in my room watching youtube or whatever. How do you start doing things for you? Title: Re: Roadblock to recovery: Doing things for YOURSELF Post by: patientandclear on September 16, 2016, 08:08:36 AM I do identify. I have found a couple of things helpful: one, trauma recovery therapy, which is healing and gets my various fragments working in my own best interests almost involuntarily. (I do lifespan integration, www.lifespanintegration.org.)
Two: just resolving to do one constructive or hard thing each day even when I don't feel motivated -- make the goal reasonable, but when you get there it's strengthening and eventually you can do more and more. Three: if possible, assess who else who is actually good to you needs you to not fall apart, and commit to come through for them. Parents? Good friend? Sibling? In my case this is my kid. I have spent a ton of time where you are, and fell apart/came very close to falling completely apart after each episode with my ex ended badly. For a long time I functioned at 10-20% of my formerly vibrant and productive self. Amazing the impact of this on our confidence and appetite for living. At this point, anyone looking in would see a happy and productive person again. That is far from the whole story--I still feel emotionally numbed out--but I think that may thaw once I have a viable life humming along again. My heart goes out to you Infern0. You've tried so sincerely. Your BPD person like mine seems to get a lot out of escaping true intimacy. Not much we can do about that. Title: Re: Roadblock to recovery: Doing things for YOURSELF Post by: gotbushels on September 16, 2016, 08:24:27 AM Wow Infern0. I relate to some of this--especially the part about doing all kinds of extra things for her.
I found that what helped me be more for myself was that I started doing things for myself that I did for her in addition to the usual things. I learned during healing that this is one of the things BPs can teach us. E.g., if she had a long day I would give her a long back rub. I would do these kinds of things for her if she had a tough day that I wouldn't normally do for myself. This translates upon me as giving myself an extra long and hot shower after a tough day. I will watch my breathing and feel the relief that the day is over. I believe in this way we can use the experience to love ourselves better. It's not a big "start" of tasks like "get a hotter bod" and you might think it's silly, but these little things really helped me--hopefully they can help you too. |