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How do I talk to my BPDbf, also a recovering alcoholic, about my concerns that he may not be being honest with himself, or therefore, me as well, that he may have become complacent, less focused on, attending AA meetings, and the importance of staying connected to that community of support to maintain sobriety?  He recently relapsed, picking up to drink, last weekend, after over a year of sobriety.  He has spoken with friends, and myself regarding this, but hasn't gone to an AA meeting to "share" this among folks he has shared with before. My concern is that his mindset is that it is not necessary for him anymore, that he no longer sees himself as someone who is in the same place, somewhat above that, so to speak?

Have you tried the D.E.A.R.M.A.N. Technique (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=160566.msg1540836#msg1540836)? Do you think that it might work in your situation?

Relapse is hard to watch, hard to bear witness to it.

Has he relapsed before? What were the conditions happening around him, to him, etc. when he began his last year of sobriety?

It seems a good sign that he talked to you about relapsing. How did he bring it up? What happened when he drank?

It's really a good sign that he didn't hide the relapse from you. Seems like he expects you not to harm his intentions. So now as you know, you need to talk about it with him very soon. Do that in a calm moment and lovingly, as he might feel lots of guilt. And you don't want to get connected to that guilt in any way.

Have you tried to ask him about his feelings about the relapse? This is a good way to start such a conversation. Then you could state, that you are concerned and why. Then, if there is enough insight, you could ask him for possible solutions, or how the AA philosophy would deal with it. - - - Just some ideas. Good luck.